Stupid Pirate Tricks
by Sorakage Sama
Summary: A glimpse into the life and times of pirates of the Four Blues and the Grand Line. Chapter 24: Sometimes a situation isn't always what it looks like...most of the time.
1. Chapter 1: Straw Hats: Franky

**I know I should be working on my other fics, but I got bit by a plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone.**

Stupid pirate tricks

Chapter 1: Franky

It had started so innocently, a few days out after the incident in Thriller Bark, the newly expanded Strawhat crew was recounting their earlier adventures to their newest crew mates…

"And so, after I locked that pink haired, yodeling lunatic in the fridge, I had to grab a new can for Franky since he ran out of juice…" the young doctor explained.

"Wait a second doctor bro! You don't have to tell them about **that!**" the shipwright protested.

"And next thing I know, I gave him some and he tries to give that blabber mouth he was fighting a 'vegetable punch', he got knocked clear across the room!" Chopper giggled.

"But the real question is why would something like that happen?" Robin asked, her head cockled to the side.

"It turns out that his personality changes depending on what drink he has in his cooler…" Chopper said eagerly.

The cyborg felt a chill run down his spine when he saw that his fellow pirates were looking at him like he was the newest most popular toy.

"Don't even think about trying that shit with me. If any of you mess with my cola, you won't be feeling super when I'm through with you…" the blue haired punk frowned, glaring at the others and not noticing the Mickey Robin slipped into his drink…

The half android was out like a light a few seconds later.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

An hour later, the blue haired former crime boss woke up to find that a spot light was being shined on him.

"What the f*** is going on?!" the mechanic roared.

"Welcome to the first ever game of 'What will Franky be?' The game where we feed our resident cyborg various drinks and see the results…" Sanji said.

"This is truly delightful! I didn't believe my eyes ears when you told me about this! Even though I don't have any….YOHOHOHOHO! SKULL JOKE!" the resident musician giggled.

'Sugoi!" Chopper, Luffy, and Usopp grinned with stars in their eyes.

"And our first drink will be provided by the ever so beautiful Nami chwan…" the host smiled, going into mellorine mode after cupid whacked the cook over the head with his love mallet.

"Oi! Ero cook, get one with it!" Zoro barked.

"Shut it moss head! As I was saying, our first drink has been provided by our navigator!" Sanji smirked, jamming a funnel into the cyborg's mouth and pouring the contents down his throat.

"Dude! I'm feeling **groovy**!" hippe mode Franky grinned as his hair fell down around his shoulders and he pulled out his guitar.

"_Why are there so many songs about rainbows? And what's on the other side? Rainbow's are visions! They're only illusions…and rainbows have nothing to hide. So we've been told and some chose to believe it but I know they're wrong… wait and see…"_ the Tangerine juice affected cyborg crooned.

CRACK!

He burst out of the chair and ripped it apart with his bare hands.

"I'll murder ya all for this!" Franky snarled, with fire in his eyes.

"Time for round two!" Usopp smirked, firing several liquid filled pellets into his Nakama's mouth.

"I feel pretty, oh, so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright!" the now tutu clad man warbled, pirouetting across the floor as his hair curled itself into a series of fancy ringlets.

"Gah! This is getting old! And who the fuck drinks sparkling cider on this ship?! " the cyborg roared as he ripped the fancy gown off his body.

"And now for the third drink!" Chopper tittered, leaping on the cyborg and ticking his sides.

"WHA!? STOP TH-HA-HA-HA-AT!" Franky sputtered as Robin poured another container down his throat.

"Dude! How much beer did I have to drink last night?! Where are my books! I'm gonna be late for class!" the now crew cut clad man groaned as he got off the floor and rushed for the door, only to be intercepted mid way and have the final drink of the night poured down his gullet.

"Ah! My great bundle of sweetness! It is love, love, love at first sight! Is it not, no, yes? Oh I feel ze hot rush of love to ze temples and other places too! Ah! Golden girl! You are ze corned beef and I am ze cabbage! MWA! MWA! MWA!" the now suave cyborg cooed as his hair slicked itself back and he trailed kisses up Nico Robin's arm. The normally taciturn woman's face flushed as that night's entertainment kissed higher and higher.

_**ZAAAAAKKK!!!**_

Nami's thunder bolt tempo zapped the French android and knocked him out before the fic rating needed to go up to M.

As the pirates walked out of the room, most of them laughing hysterically, Robin stayed behind for a moment and picked up the last bottle. She sniffed it and realized that it was a fine East Blue Champagne.

Smiling slightly, she summoned several arms that carried the comatose cyborg behind her as she tucked the bottle away.

"_Waste not, want not after all…"_ the hana hana no mi user thought as she made plans for that particular bottle later.

**Remember** **folks, read review, and check out the challenge on my profile page.**


	2. Chapter 2: Straw Hats: Zoro

Chapter 2: Zoro

Months after the Straw hats enter the Grand Line, Zoro stumbled back onto the Thousand Sunny at two in the morning, covered in a red sticky substance and various other debris.

All of the members of the crew shot the first mate a horrified look.

"I knew it! Marimo killed his date and ate her! I knew this was a bad idea!" Sanji wailed.

"This isn't blood curly swirly! It's ketchup. I've had a bad night. I'm cold, I'm sticky, and I'm exhausted. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed. And if any of you disturb me, I'll Kyūtōryū all of you into next year…" the santoryu user scowled, stomping into the lower hold.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

**A few hours earlier…**

_"Why in the nine hells did I let those lunatics talk me into this?" _ Zoro snarled as he adjusted his ill fitting tuxedo and fiddled with the white rose in his button hole.

His head shot up when the chair opposite him moved and a pink haired woman sat across from him.

"So you're the son of a b**** that my traitorous crew lined up for tonight?" the cherubic woman in front of him frowned.

"You too? The women on my crew tied me up and stuffed me into this monkey suit. They even took my swords hostage and said I wouldn't get them back unless I did this." The green haired young man growled.

"Same here. They took my Pizza 'ostage. Say. You look familiar. Have I robbed you before?" the captain of the Bonney pirates asked.

Suddenly, realization struck

"YOU!!!" the two bellowed simultaneously.

"I promised that I'd make you pay for the hell you put me through!" Jewelry spat.

"We were in the same situation as you! What are you so mad about?!" Zoro sputtered as he cursed his fellow Straw hats for taking his swords away.

"Your captain got half my crew scooped back in Shanbody you idgit!! I lost some of the best cooks in the sea because of you low down, dirty freaks of nature!" the pink haired woman snarled hefting several ketchup bottles threateningly.

CRACK!

The bottles flew through the air, the first half dozen smashing into the first mate's chest and knocking him on his butt.

Zoro scrambled backward as he dodged the flying food.

CRASH!

"Knock it off wench!"

"No way!"

SPLASH!

"GAH! THAT'S COLD!"

SPLAT!

"THAT'S HOT!"

"DIE! DIE! DIE!"

"THAT'S IT! MUTŌRYŪ: TATSU MAKI!"

**CRRRAAAAASSSHHHH**!!

"Look out! The ceiling's coming down!"

"You can run Pirate hunter Zoro…but you can't hide! I'll find you and the rest of your misbegotten crew! Mark my words!" Big Eater Jewelry Bonney bellowed as the restaurant collapsed around her.

"I sure as hell can try!" the exhausted pirate panted as he ducked into a nearby alley and made his way (while only getting lost for a few hours) back to the ship.


	3. Chapter 3: Luffy, Zoro, and Sanji

**Enjoy the next update. I've had this concept in my head for a while, but I wasn't sure how to make use of it.**

Chapter 3: Luffy, Zoro, and Sanji

The captain of the Mugiwara pirate crew was in a rare foul mood. The reason was simple: in a rare moment of harmony, Sanji and Zoro decided to jointly guard the Fridge after their captain managed to somehow crack the combination lock, nearly decimating their food supply.

So now the two of them were guarding the precious meat, leaving their leader with three meals a day as opposed to his usual ten.

This outrage demanded swift and decisive retaliation! And he knew just how to do it!

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

Luffy had learned over the course of his journey that Zoro had a severe (but delayed) allergy to strawberries. Just touching one would cause him to break out in hives within a few hours.

So a miniscule amount of strawberry jam in the seat of first mate's pants for effect, plus some sleeping pills to put him and a certain other traitorous person out like a light…then watch the fireworks!

A few hours later…

"Urg…ow! How many drinks did I have last night?" Zoro moaned as the soft light filtering into the room blinded him.

That was when he noticed several facts.

First off his butt hurt like a son of a *$&#^.

Second, he wasn't alone in his hammock.

Third, he wasn't wearing any pants.

"Nami chwan? You're insatiable…" Sanji slurred sleepily, spooning the green haired swordsman tightly.

Zoro felt a white hot fury bubble up from his gut that demanded recompense for this offence.

"My name is Roronoa Zoro. You killed my innocence. Prepare to die." The swordsman hissed as he unsheathed his blades.

"Huh? Marimo? What's going on??"

"ONI GIRI!" the swordsman screamed.

"GACK! WHAT THE HELL?!"

"DIE!!"

"STOP YOU CRAZY FRUITCAKE!!!"

"DIE PAINFULLY!!!"

CRASH!

"STOP WRECKING THE SHIP YOU BASTARDS!!!" Usopp howled.

KA-BOOM!


	4. Chapter 4: Straw Hats: Chopper

**I don't know how the heck I came up with this. Personally, I blame the Discovery channel.**

Chapter 4: Chopper

"RUN AWAY!" Nami squawked as she picked up Brook like a sack of potatoes and hauled him to the lower deck. Robin was right behind her, heaving Franky by his hair.

"OW! WHAT ARE YOU TWO CRAZY WENCHES DOING!?" the Speedo clad man squawked.

"Less talking more running!" Zoro hissed as the crew piled into channel two of the solder dock.

"Would someone mind telling me what the hell is goin' on?!" Franky sputtered as he adjusted his hair.

"Chopper's in rut again…" Sanji grimaced.

"NO DOCTOR CHOPPER! I WANNA BE THE PIRATE KING! NOT THE PIRATE BITCH!" Luffy wailed as he rocked back and forth.

"Don't worry captain san, we won't let him get you again…" Robin said soothingly as she stroked his hair.

"Again?" Brooke asked.

"Let me put it this way, half the damage to our old ship the going merry wasn't due to battle, it was accumulated after Chopper popped one too many rumbles and tried to jump our captain. Our doctor develops a craving for the things when he gets like this…" Usopp shuddered.

"That's an out hole…an out hole I tell you!" the rubber man babbled.

"So if all of you know what's good for you, the lot of you will **be quiet!" **Zoro hissed, fingering his swords.

"You don't have to tell me twice. The last time he was like this, I made the mistake of bending over to pick up a book, if it hadn't been for captain san getting me out of there, I'd be walking bowlegged…" Robin grimaced.

"Y-y-y-you're welcome!" Luffy chattered.

"Oh! I feel like there are butterflies in my stomach, even though I don't have one YOHOHO…MRHP!" Brook gurgled as the pirates dog piled him.

"There you all are! Anyone in there want to play any reindeer games?" the heard the doctor asked, easing the door open, a manic grin on his face. The crew shivered when they saw the tell tale orange dust lining his mouth, signifying that he already ate two rumble balls.

"I vote we throw him Franky and Zoro and make a break for the shark sub." Sanji opined.

"Seconded." Luffy agreed.

"Thirded." Brook piped up.

"Sorry but it's for the greater good." Nami shook her head sadly.

"Remember to use protection." Robin deadpanned.

"Better you than me." Usopp snorted.

"This is not super! Don't we get any say in this?!" the cyborg sputtered.

"Nope. It's decided." the captain chirped.

"No! I say it's been **un**decided!" the first mate snarled.

"No it isn't! I'm the Captain remember! And I say the two of you are **going**!" the rubber man barked as Robin sent the shipwright flying with an _Ocho Fleur Flip, _and Sanji kicked the swordsman hard enough with his custom-made, steel-soled, size 13, combat shoe to leave a foot print in the marimo's left butt cheek.

By the time the crew had piled into the sub, Chopper had already chomped on his third pill and was swiftly growing into what had been dubbed 'monster point'. The only difference was that the things eyes were pulsing pink heats instead of radiating berserker fury.

"I'll get those traitors for this…" Zoro vowed.

"I'll help…" Franky agreed as the creature lunged for them.

**Remember folks: read, review, and check out the challenge on my profile page. **


	5. Chapter 5: Straw Hats: Luffy

**All right folks, good news bad news time. First the good news: After wrestling with a virus for the past several days, I got my laptop back and can post again. And now for the bad news: Finals are coming up, so fanfiction has to take a back seat to life for the next few weeks. But don't worry, as soon as school lets out I'll start writing and posting again.**

Chapter 5: Luffy

The Straw Hat captain gazed dispassionately at his crew. After the hell of seeing his brother die in his arms, being run through with a fist made of magma, and a whole host of other agonies…Luffy had been praying for the day he would see his nakama again.

He sure as hell hadn't expected things to turn out like this,

Brook had traded his signature suit for a black t-shirt that said 'life is pain', black jeans, enough chains to tether a ship ten times over, black eyeliner and lipstick.

"_Cra-a-a-awling in my skin! These wounds, they will not heal!!!"_ the now emo musician warbled.

"Don't you know the goth look is out dahling! Pink is where it's at!" Sanji giggled. He had come from his stay at Kammabaka with a new outlook in life. Long story short: he got hit upside the head with an okama stick, and it looked like he wasn't comin' out of it any time soon.

_ZAAAAAKKKKK!!!_

"WHEEEEEE! Look at me! I can fly! I can fly!! I can **fly**!!!" Nami whooped as she soared through the air on wing made of wind knots, while swinging her new perfect divine clima-tact. Every move she made caused thunder and lightning bolts to rain from the sky. The electricity was so powerful that it made the stuff Enel threw around look like a low powered fire cracker.

"Mmmmm! I love you more!" Zoro groaned as he made out with Perona, heedless of the danger that rained down around them.

"No! I love **you** more!" the ghost wielding girl whispered back, ignoring the people getting zapped.

Oddly enough, as it turned out the only thing that kept the swords man from developing a libido that rivaled Sanji was the Kuina's memory and their promise. When Perona revealed a little known aspect of her devil fruit that allowed her to call ghosts from the afterlife, Zoro jumped at the chance to talk with his rival one last time and lay her memory to rest. After the conversation was finished and the young girl moved on, Zoro's long suppressed hormones returned with a vengeance and the two hadn't separated since. Literally. Their lips might as well have been welded together.

"Humph! What a boorish lot! It's a wonder that I ever threw my loyalty to such an unrefined group!" Franky sniffed disdainfully.

Without Cola to power him, Franky turned to the next most plentiful beverage to keep him going: Tea. And since no one was strong enough to force cola into his cooler again, he now acted like a proper gentleman with a stick lodged up his a** 24-7…

"Foooood! Need foooood!" Usopp moaned as he tried to get out of the wheelchair. His now prodigious bulk prevented him from even lifting his arms under his own power.

Chopper was sitting with his back to a tree, twitching like he had a bad case of fleas.

"I won't let any of those humans eat me! I learned my lesson! If those dirty humans think they can catch me unawares again, they are **wrong**! I'll gut them all first before they can lay a grimy hand on me!" the now paranoid doctor muttered under his breath as he fingered a scalpel.

"Well Robin, considering how f***** up the rest of my crew is, what happened to you?" Luffy deadpanned.

"I got married." The hana hana no mi user said primly.

"To who?" the Rubber man asked cautiously.

"Your father; Monkey D. Dragon. We hit it off while I spent a short time with the rebels. You can call me mommy now!" the woman smirked, displaying a good sized diamond ring.

Luffy twitched as he contemplated the horror of going on his quest for the One Piece with a woman who was now his step mother.

He turned to Tralfagar Law, who was making no effort to disguise his laughter at the captain's predicament.

"Considering my crew had apparently become bat s*** crazy, are you looking for any new Nakama?" the former captain almost pleaded.

"I think I can find a place for you…" the dark doctor snickered.

**Remember folks, read, review, and check out the challenge on my profile page.**


	6. Chapter 6: Zoro, Sanji, and Nami

**I know I said that I wouldn't be posting until finals were over, but I just couldn't keep away from this. Inspiration just stuck me and wouldn't leave me alone. So enjoy**

The entire Straw Hat crew had gathered in the kitchen, which was arguably the warmest part of the ship. They had just entered a winter island area and the temperature outside had dropped to well below zero. Even the monster trio's legendary toughness couldn't deal with that kind of climate without bundling up in enough layers to choke a Sea King.

Sanji watched in delight as both Nami and Robin's eyes glazed over after taking the first bite of the Pecan Pie he had presented them with. Of course the mood had been hampered slightly by him having to tie Luffy to the support beams with his own limbs to keep him from filching the entire dessert.

"Sanji kun! This is the best!" Nami cooed as she sampled another sweet and delicate morsel.

"Indeed." Robin agreed, smiling slightly.

"Mellorine!" the cook whooped as he wiggled and pirouetted, swooping in and scooping the redhead up into his arms.

_"I love you. Now you set my soul on fire. It is not just a little spark; it is a flame. A BIG Roaring Flame! I can feel it now! It burns me from within!"_ the blond whispered throatily, closing his eyes and running his fingers over his love's face and short spiky hair, which was becoming more and more pointy by the second. He rained kisses on her face and absently noted that the navigator smelled like high grade steel and tasted like sake.

"Snerk! Ha! Ha! Ha!" Usopp giggled.

"How long do you think it's going to take him to notice?" Franky snorted.

"Probably any second now…shishishi!" Luffy sputtered.

"Ah! My heart beats for the two of them! Skeleton joke! They were truly **made** for each other…" Brook tittered mockingly.

"I'd better get the emergency room ready…" Chopper groaned resignedly.

"Will you plebeians keep it down?! I'm trying to romance Nami Chwan!!" Sanji snarled.

The moment he looked up he noticed that something was very, very wrong. Both Nami and Robin were perched on the galley benches just like they were a few moments before.

_"If the two of them are there…then who am I holding?"_ the cook blinked as he looked down.

It was Zoro.

Sanji turned green as he realized that he had been kissing and cuddling the moss head this entire time.

_"Mental note: scrub tongue with boiling mouthwash."_ The cook noted absently.

He lifted the hand that he had been using to cover 'her' eyes (which was where his fingers came to rest when he looked up to berate his fellow crew members) and saw that the Santoryu user was shooting him a laser guided death glare as he reached for his swords.

Sanji did the only thing he could do.

BANG!

He lifted the green ahired first mate into the hair and slammed him back down hard enough to put his nemesis's head through the floor.

"GET BACK HERE DARTBOARD BROW!!!" Zoro bellowed as he scrambled to his feet and chased the cook out onto the deck.

"NOT ON YOUR LIFE MOSS HEAD! HE WHO LOVES AND RUNS AWAY LIVES TO LOVE ANOTHER DAY!" the cook cackled as he ran for his life.

"Just another day on the Thousand Sunny, eh Ane san?" Nami giggled as she took another bite of pie.

"Indeed it is, Navigator chan…indeed it is." Robin agreed as they listened to the sound of battle outside.

**Remember folks: read, review, and check out the challenge on my profile page.**


	7. Chapter 7: Straw Hats: Vivi

**A great author once said about the Straw Hat's relationship with a certain princess: _Vivi is Nakama, I don't think they'd let just anyone marry her." _And suddenly I found myself agreeing with that statement and gaining the inspiration to write this.**

The crown princess of Arabasta was to be married. According to the news papers, Nefertari Vivi was to wed her childhood friend Kohza. Truly it was a momentous occasion.

As the former rebel leader stood nervously in front of the alter, the members of the suna suna clan did their best to keep his spirits up.

"Don't worry boss! She'll be here." Kebi said soothingly.

"That's not it. I know that she wants to marry me. It's the threatening letters I've been getting from the Straw Hats ever since the engagement went public. That is thething that's making me sweat. The last one that damn sniper sent had an explosive compound hidden in the ink! It nearly blew my head off. And I **don't **meantheone resting on my neck. At least the rest of them settled for threatening my life, my sanity, my manhood, or a combination of the three if I piss Vivi chan off…" Toto's son grimaced.

The young man shot a sideways glance a glance at king Nefertari Cobra, and captain of the royal guard Igaram. Both were conspicuously stone faced.

"What do you lot think? Are those two like that because their giving their little girl away or because of who their giving her away to?" the former rebel leader opined.

"No bet there boss…" Natto snickered.

"Hey, shut it you three! Here she comes!" Okame hissed.

Kohza felt his breath hitch the moment Vivi stepped into the chapel. She face was hidden behind a white silk veil, and her gown trailed to the ground in silky cascades that reminded the princess's betrothed of a flowing river. The long billowing sleeves hit her hands from view, which clutched at a bouquet of red roses.

The former rebel leader looked around the chapel, wondering if the Pirate king's crew had decided **not** to crash the wedding.

Kohza snapped out of his stupor when he realized that Vii had reached his side and the minister was saying the vows.

"Do you Kohza take Nefertari Vivi to be your wife? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?" the vicar gargled through a mouthful of false teeth.

"I do" the groom answered simply.

"Do you Nefertari Vivi take Kohza to be your husband? Will you lovehim, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?" the elderly priest asked.

"I do…" the bluenette squeaked.

Kohza shot her a strange look. Her voice sounded scratchier that it had that morning.

"And so, by the power vested in me by nation of Arabasta, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride." The old man wheezed.

"Vivi, you have never been more beautiful in my eyes than at this moment." Kophza said softly as he lifted her veil.

"Bitch, stop buttering me up! Your nasty ass lies still won't make me happy!" the princess cackled as 'she' wiggled in place.

Eyes widening in horror, Kohza threw off the veil and found himself with the immense shock of being nose to snout with Tony Tony Chopper in jumping point.

"GAH!" the former rebel leader yelped, falling on his backside.

"Sorry Kohza! It's looks like I'm being kidnapped…" Vivi said sadly from the upper galleries from where she had been slung over Luffy's shoulder. The effect was ruined somewhat by the huge grin on her face.

"I'm sure we'll feel like returning her in a year or so…maybe." the pirate captain smirked as he took a flying leap out the open window.

"Yah eyelashes, YAH!!" the crowd heard the captain whoop from the outside.

"I gotta be going now! **OI! Luffy you bastard, wait for me!!!**" the doctor barked as he leaped after his now retreating captain.

"Igaram, I'm somewhat torn…" Cobra said dryly as he got to his feet.

"About what?" the captain of the guard asked as he followed his old friend (all the while mentally reliving the old nightmare of pirate captain Vivi) as his men ran after the happily kidnapped princess…

"Part of me wants to increase the increase the Straw Hat's allowance for managing to pull this off and...keeping her away from Kohza..." The king drawled.

"And the other part?" Igraram asked as the sound of the carnage from Zoro, Franky, and Sanji delaying the soldiers reached his ears.

"The other part of me wants to stake them out in the middle of the desert, buck naked, in the middle of dry season for daring to kidnap my daughter…" the bearded man responded as the two old friends strolled to the chapel doors and watched the Thousand Sunny sail off into the distance.

**Remember folks, read, review, and check out the challenge on my profile page.**


	8. Chapter 8: Straw Hats: Boa, Robin, Nami

**Ok, while there are no outright lemons in this chapter, I suggest you skip this installment if you get offended easily.**

No one was quite sure how the argument started. One moment the three ladies of the Straw Hat Crew were chatting in the aquarium bar while eating snacks that Sanji had graciously provided, the next they were arguing about who had more sex appeal.

"I say that I am the fairest one on this ship! I dare either of you wenches to say otherwise!" Hancock sneered.

"Who's the only one out of the three of us capable of making our captain pass out from severe nasal discharge? Me! That's who!" Nami shot back.

"Might I point out that I am the one that made Sanji walk into the mast with a passing glance yesterday?" Robin pointed out.

"Pish tush land likewise phoo! The man noodle dances off the ship and into the sea with barely a look every other day. Your boast is hardly worth mentioning…" the pirate empress sniffed.

"Says the woman who got buck naked in front of Luffy and didn't get a single reaction out of him?" the Hana Hana no mi user snickered.

"That was a fluke I tell you! If I had half a chance to prepare, Luffykins would have been prostrating himself before me and kissing my feet for the chance to look upon my beauty!" the snake woman shrilled.

"Ladies, ladies, ladies. Arguing won't get up anywhere. What we need is a way to settle our sex appeal pecking order once and for all…" Nami proposed.

"A contest?" the merro merro no mi user blinked.

"Indeed. We take the most libidoless member of this crew and each of us turn on the charm. The one who gets the biggest reaction out of our captain will be declared the ship sex goddess!" the navigator proclaimed.

"I'm in. I'll prove to you commoners that I am the sexiest of them all!"

"Bring it hoochie…" Robin deadpanned.

-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-

"Could someone tell me why I'm here? Nami told me Sanji was having an all you can eat meat buffet." Luffy whined as he was sat down in the middle of the floor.

"It's simple Luffy kun. These wenches think their sexier than me. So in some juvenile attempt to prove their superiority , the orange haired one proposed a contest. Whoever gets the biggest reaction out of you will win…" the pirate empress purred.

"Save the cackling until after you lose, you clucking hen. I'm up first…" Nami said as she took a deep breath and grabbed the ties on her halter top.

"Get a load of this captain: Happiness punch!" she grinned lewdly, pulling her top and down flashing the Rubber man.

"GAH!"

SPURT!

CRACK!

The captain let out a squawk of surprise as his nose discharged a rocket of blood that propelled him head first into the ceiling.

"I don't know whether to applaud you for his reaction or deduct points for knocking him silly…" Robin deadpanned.

"Either way is fine with me ane san…" the orangette smirked.

"Oh…what hit me…" Luffy moaned as he came to.

"Just a streetwalker style attempt at seduction darling." Hancock tittered.

"Streetwalker? Why I oughta!" Nami snarled. It was only a half dozen of Robin's arms pinning her feet to the floor that kept the navigator from throttling the taller woman.

"My turn. Now Luffy kun…If will focus only on me please?" Hancock drawled, ignoring the peanut gallery and slinking toward the captain with a seductive grace that Marilyn Monroe would have envied.

The oldest woman's gaze became smoky and half lidded, and undid one of the shoulder ties of her dress, causing it to fall away and leave a tantalizing hint of flesh.

Luffy swallowed the lump in his throat and found himself riveted as she looked into his eyes and slowly undid the other knot keeping her dress on. The moment the shoulder tie came undone, the dress pooled on the floor at her feet. All she was wearing now was a smile.

Luffy's eyes glazed, and he toppled over backwards, cracking his head against the floor.

BANG!

"Check and mate…" the Kuja pirate empress said primly.

"Says you. I still have my turn." Robin glowered.

A half an hour later, Luffy was once again sitting in the middle of the floor.

Robin stood in front of her captain, arms at her side wearing an outfit she had dug out of her closet. She hadn't had to wear this particular set of garments since her Baroque works days. The tight tube top still fit like a second skin, and the ridiculously short skirt still barely covered her decency.

"Watch and learn ladies. Watch…and learn…" Robin cooed.

Robin took off the cowboy hat and tossed it aside.

She slipped off the long coat and let it pool to the floor around her feet. She slinked toward the man who had saved her from hell on earth, every measured pace causing her captain to follow every jiggle, every slow steady movement of her body.

Robin sat in his lap and smiled at him. It wasn't a seductive look like Boa's. It was a mysterious Mona Lisa grin that made you wonder what she was thinking, and what you could do to make her smile like at again.

Luffyfelt his throat become dry as she lifted one silky smoothleg up and undid the clasp of one boot, then the other, causing them to fall to the floor with a soft thud.

The skirt came next. Robin wiggled and ground against her captain as she pulled off the offending garment while still sitting on his lap. She dropped it next to the boots.

Finally the top came last. She undid the single crisscrossing string that held the swath of cloth against her body revealing all and hiding nothing.

"Well captain san, what do you think…ACK!" Robin yelped as her captain sprang to his feet and tackled her to the floor.

Boa and Nami stood there gawking.

"Well girls…_Harder! Harder!…._I think I…_Oh captain, right there..._won, don't you?" Robin panted.

"At this point I'm not sure if I want to beat the snot out of her or ask her for tips…" Boa scowled.

"Ditto." Name deadpanned.

**Remember folks: Read, review, and check out the challenge on my profile page.**


	9. Chapter 9: Shanks and Luffy

**Here's another episode of Stupid Pirate Tricks, this time staring our favorite red headed captain and rubber man.**

"Oh come on Luffy! What's the worst that could happen?" the captain of the red haired pirated wheedled as he waved the little orange pill in front of the Pirate king.

"The last time you said that I ended up high as a kite and wound up in bed with Lola. My loving wives almost ripped my _kintama _off. The only thing that stopped them was that I said it was your fault…" Luffy deadpanned, shooting his knuckle headed mentor a withering look.

"That was an isolated incident! Chopper eats these things all the time and he doesn't have any problems…" the scarred pirate pointed out as he rubbed the phantom lumps that he received from the Pirate queens. Ben Beckman had really let him have it when he stumbled back to the ship beaten half to death for his trespasses.

"I don't know…" the Rubber man grimaced.

"Come on! Quit being a little wuss and eat the damn thing!" Shanks barked, shoving the medicine down his liege's throat.

"GACK! BLARGH! That tasted foul! How does chopper eat these things!" Luffy gagged.

Suddenly an ominous rumble emanated from his stomach…

"I don't feel good…" the pirate king whimpered.

P-P-P-POP!

THUNK!

"GAH!"

Luffy let out a yelp as his arms and legs suddenly shrank as his body expanded so that he was wider at the bottom than the top.

"What the hell?" the pirate king yelped.

"Dahahahahaha! You look like a punching bag!" the redheaded pirated wheezed as he fell to the floor laughing.

"Shut up and help me!" Luffy snarled.

"Ok, ok! Just give me a second…" the older man giggled as he wiped tears of mirth form his eyes.

Bam!

Luffy rocked onto his back as Shanks gave him an experimental jab to the face.

"HA! I knocked over the Pirate King! I knew I was the greatest!" the redhead whooped as he did an unholy victory dance.

BAM!

Sadly, the law of motion kicked in as Luffy's now lower center of balance caused the pirate king to shoot up and belt the other pirate in the back of the head, knocking him on his face.

"If you're done, can you drag me back to the ship before someone finds out about this?" the Straw Hat captain pleaded.

"Fine, fine, ruin my fun why don't you…" the older man pouted as he grabbed the pirate king and dragged him along.

The two were silent as they made their way back to their ships. Three minutes had already passed, And Luffy hopped that this condition would sort itself out soon…

PHOMPH!

"GAH!"

Shanks let out a yelp of alarm as Luffy's arms and legs returned to their normal size but his head expanded to the diameter of a small house. The weight of his head was so much that it kept him from moving.

"I've been around the block a few times and that's a new one to me…" the red headed captain blinked as he looked at the inflated skull of the pirate king.

"Shanks, I say this with all seriousness, when I figure out how to get back to normal, I **am** going to hurt you…" Luffy growled icily.

"You can try Luffy, you can try…" Shanks drawled lazily

The minutes passed as the Yonkou waited until this symptom passed.

"What's that smell?" the older pirate blinked as he sniffed the air.

FR-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-P!

The redheaded pirate was blown back as Luffy's body vented the excess gas

After thirty seconds of breaking wind, the rubber man blew out the last of the excess mass/gas and returned to normal.

"Thank Davy Jones that's over…"

"Oh Shanks…" The Straw Hat captain grinned savagely as he got to his feet.

"Yes Luffy?"

"Gomu gomu no shoot!"

"GAH!"

SPASH!

"Go soak your head!" the pirate king snorted as he sauntered back to his ship.

**Remember folks, read review and check out the challenge on my profile page.**


	10. Chapter 10: Straw Hats

"Pardon my rather crude language: but you have gotta be shitting me mugiwara…" Trafalgar Law deadpanned, shooting his rival for the title of pirate king an incredulous look.

"Nope. By unanimous decision, I am not allowed to do any shopping. And it's not because I spent our entire treasure hoard on meat (which I thought was a great idea, but my nakama disagreed)… " the slightly inebriated captain smirked as he told his tale.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

Deep into the new world, the Straw Hat pirates landed at an unusual Fall island by the name of frijol arma island. It was wholly unremarkable except for a festival that was held once a year, celebrating a pirate crew being driven away a century earlier.

"Sugoi! This plant really drove away a big armada of pirates?" Luffy gasped as he looked at the Venus flytrap like plant in front of him with stars in his eyes.

"Indeed Luffy sama. This is the legendary bean gun plant. The history books say that even Gol D. Roger was unable to invade while these plants were in bloom." The store owner in front of him answered.

"WOW! That's so cool! Why are you trying to sell it?" the rubber man goggled.

"I'll tell you why…" the bearded, peg legged, eye patch wearing man snarled.

POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

The seemingly innocent plant opened its maw and spat out beans like a machine gun. The shop owner scrambled backwards in a desperate attempt to get away from the maniacal flora.

"Every time….Ow! Ow! Ow... the festival comes….ACK! OOK! EEK… the damn plant…OH MAMMA THAT HURTS… does this to me!" he snarled.

"Maybe it does that because of your pirate costume?" Luffy snickered.

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response…" the desperate man hissed as he dug himself out from under the mountain of projectiles.

Luffy grinned, completely ignorant of the havoc his immanent purchase was about to wreak.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

"Damn it curly swirly, did you have to shove me into the harbor?" Zoro snarled as he stumbled back to the ship later that night.

"That's what you get for cock-blocking me. That was the first unattached female (that hasn't tried to kill me) I've seen in months. Like I told you before, if I don't get laid soon I'm taking it out of your hide…" the cook snapped.

"Whatever ero cook. Konatsu here I come…" Zoro smiled as he stepped into the galley and plunked himself down under the heated table Franky had installed a few weeks earlier.

"Move it Marimo! I'm cold too…" the blond snorted as he wrestled for a good spot.

POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

"ACK!"

"What the hell?"

Both the first mate and cook were bowled over as they were assaulted by a hailstorm of beans hard enough to punch holes in the walls.

"What the fuck was that?" the santoryu user sputtered as he gapped at the innocent looking green plant.

"That's what I want to know!" Franky bellowed as he surveyed the damage.

"It's our new Nakama! His name is Beany!" Luffy smirked.

"That thing not Nakama! That's a salad waiting to happen!" Sanji hissed angrily as he looked at his tattered suit.

"What set it off?" Nami asked as she eyed the green menace.

"Hey! Look what I won!" Chopper giggled as he walked in wearing a Whitebeard costume…

POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! PO'W! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

And got blown back out onto the grass deck.

"I thought it only shot real pirates?" Luffy blinked.

"Please tell me that I didn't hear what I thought I heard? You bought a plant that shoots pirates onto a **pirate** **ship**?" the navigator screeched.

"Luffy the super knucklehead strikes again…" Franky groaned.

"I wonder…" Zoro mused as he snuck up behind the blond and grabbed him by the cheeks, stretching them out.

"OW!"

CLANK!

The green haired swordsman casually blocked the kick with the flat edge of Shuusui.

"What the hell was that for Mari…" Sanji trailed off

POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

The cook toppled over as his mouth was suddenly filled with beans, causing his cheeks to stretch at least a foot past his shoulders.

"I thought so. The thing reacts to anger. Most pirates already have a screw loose. Once someone looses their temper around this thing its fire at will." The first mate mused.

"How much did you pay for this damn thing?" Nami scowled as she poked the plant.

"Most of the stuff in our treasure hold." Luffy answered.

"YOU DID WHAT?"

POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

"Duck and cover!" Brook yelped as the plant went wild.

"That is it! This thing is going over the side!" Franky bellowed as he lunged for the plant.

The Bean shooting menace flapped it's leaves and fluttered into the air.

"Wow! It's a mystery plant!" Luffy gasped.

"Idiot! You brought a mobile turret with unlimited ammo that only targets pirates!" Usopp snarled as he put captain in a sleeper hold.

The plant hovered menacingly.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

The two toppled to the ground with a matching pair of bulging mouths.

"**COUNTER** **ATTTTTAAAACCCKKKK**!" The sniper and captain proclaimed, spitting the beans back at the plant.

The crew stood with baited breath as they waited for the plant to deal retribution upon its foes.

But it never happened.

"What the hell?" Chopper sputtered.

The sniper was the first to realize the solution.

"Usopp **HAMMER**!" he bellowed, smacking the plant out of the air with a sledge hammer, a mocking grin on his face the entire time.

"I get it! As long as we keep smiling, this thing can't attack!" Franky realized as the Straw hats grinned evilly.

"Get it!"

"Break left!"

"Yours or mine?"

"Ack! It's getting away!"

"Yohohoho! What a spirited chase! My heart's all a flutter, even though I don't have one. SKULL JOKE!"

"HORN POINT!"

CRASH!

"Damn it, you emergency food supply! No going into horn point inside the ship!"

"Sorry!"

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

The men went down under a hailstorm of beans.

"Good help is so hard to find. Mayhaps a simply solution is needed?" Nami nodded thoughtfully, pulling a box out of the storage closet

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

"I've faced assassins, giants, a sand man, and admirals that weren't as tough as this thing…" Luffy moaned.

"I'd rather build another ship than have to face that monster!" Franky muttered.

"Ditto!" Zoro and Sanji spat from their prospective corners.

"Agreed." Chopper huffed as he struggled to get his antlers out from under the table.

"I'm too tired to make a skull joke…" Brook grimaced.

"Pirate balloon attack!" Nami shrieked as she tossed dozens of balloons into the room, each one printed with the snarling and scowling faces of each of the crew members.

POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!

The plant straffed the balloons, which sprinkled a cloud of fine black powder around the plant.

"What's that? Some kind of poison?" the dark skinned sniper blinked.

"Nope! This cute genius did one step better, I put pepper into the balloons!"

"ACHOOOOOOOOOO!" the plant squawked, spewing twice as many beans as before.

"Help! I'm being buried by beans!"

"OW! OW! OW! CUTE GENIUS MY RUBBERY BEHIND!"

"GACK! Dear father, I'll never cook a legume again if you get this thing away from me!"

"My armor is useless against this onslaught!"

"Help! I've got a case of I-don't-want-to-be-beaned-to-death-disease!"

"Tō Rō Nagas…AGH!"

Suddenly it stopped.

The room looked like a warzone. There were bean bullet holes in the wall. All of the men were battered and bruised, Even that battles against Moria, Lucci, Kuma, or Kizaru had left them this drained.

"We're dead. There's no one left to…take care of this menace…" Nami whimpered.

Seconds later she was proved wrong.

Robin stepped into the wreckage of what was once the kitchen, She gazed dispassionately at the battered forms of her Nakama.

She stood on her tip toes and snatched the plant out of the air.

Then, with perfect grace and poise, she placed the plant in a box and sealed the container with heavy duty packing tape.

"I'm not cleaning this up." The last Oharan native deadpanned as she walked back out the doore, th boxed plant under her arm.

Pained groans were the only response.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

"So your archeologist boxed the plant and that was the end of it?" the dark doctor said disbelievingly.

"Nope. I found out later that Robin mailed the damned thing and got the facts later about where it ended up from admiral Coby…"

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

"A package for me?" Admiral Akainu uttered as he opened the box and peered at the innocent flytrap like plant inside…

**Remember folks: read, review, and check out the challenge on my profile page.**


	11. Chapter 11: Straw Hats: Vivi

Chapter 11: Vivi

King Cobra was overjoyed. After six months at sea, his little girl had returned.

"It's good to have you home after all these long days! Tell us of your adventures. Did anything interesting happen to you" Igaram asked.

In her father's eyes, she hadn't changed that much. Vivi had grown her hair longer to about the middle of her back. Her face still retained the same sparkle that reminded the king of his departed wife.

"Well, other than being turned into a man for a week by an Okama King/Queen, running afoul a voodoo witch doctor who turned me into a frog and… eatingadevilfruit thatturnsallthe womenaroundme intolesbians…" the wandering princess smiled benignly.

"What was that last part?" Cobra deadpanned.

"Erm, I sort of ate a devil fruit that turns all the women around me into lesbians. That's why I had to leave the ship. I can't go back until I figure out how to turn it off." she squeaked.

"This is worse than the captain Vivi nightmare…" Igaram muttered brokenly, tears streaming down his face.

"It also explains why all the female servants were blushing so much…" her father added.

"The male members of the crew didn't appreciate me unintentionally stealing their wives and girlfriends…" Vivi winced, scratching the back of her head.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

**A few week earlier…**

"What fruit do you think it is?" Chopper asked as they gazed at the bright pink gourd.

"I dunno. It's a mystery fruit." Luffy grinned.

"It's not in the big book either." Sanji opined.

"There's only one way to find out…" Zoro shrugged.

"One of us has to eat it." Nami nodded.

Zoro, Nami, Franky and Usopp, and Vivi (being the non hammers of the crew) looked at each other and nodded. Then came the standard procedure for non gold related swag (anything shiny went to Nami to cover the debts the others owed her).

"**Ro**…**Sham**…_**BO**_!" they all chanted.

"I win!" Vivi whooped as they looked over the end result. By some odd twist of fate, all of the others had pitted their papers against Vivi's scissors.

"Meh. I never wanted a devil fruit anyway…" Zoro shrugged.

"The only fruit I wanted got eaten by Erosalom…" Sanji muttered darkly.

"Damn! I could have sold that for a ton of Beri!" Nami pouted.

"I'm better off without it." Usopp opined.

"I'm already super!" Franky posed.

"Well Vivi, it's yours!" Luffy grinned as he tossed his newest Nakama the coveted food.

With a deep breath, the traveling princess took a bite. It tasted terrible, but she persevered. Taking bite after bite until only the core was left.

"Well?" Brook asked as he waited for the end results.

"I don't…feel any different." The bluenette shrugged.

"Damn. Must have been a fake…" Luffy pouted.

Oh how wrong he was…

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

Over the next several days, Vii noticed a subtle change among the female members of the crew. Nami had developed of odd habit of staring longingly at the blue haired beauty, only to look away when she realized that she had been caught.

Also, at off moments, unseen hands would come out of nowhere and grope or pinch the poor girl, only to disappear.

Then came the attention.

"Vivi-chan? Would you like a massage?" Robin asked one day, not long after a raid.

"She most certainly would not! She'd much rather have the cocktail that I had Sanji make!" Nami growled.

The two glared daggers at each other. You could almost see the miniature lightning bolts dancing in between them.

Poor sweet, innocent Vivi just didn't know what to make of it.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

Not long after. The waterworks in Nami and Luffy's quarters mysteriously burst (Franky later noted that it looked like a thunder bolt had struck the pipes).

So the navigator requested to move in with Vivi (much to her husband's ire). It had seemed like an innocent request by a friend.

An hour later, all the furniture in Robin's cabin got smashed to pieces. No one was sure who did it. But next thing Vivi knew, her cabin was now home to three people.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

"Mmmmm" Vivi cooed as she woke up first thing in the morning, Khoza's strong arms wrapped around her and his bare breasts pressed into her back, and a second set of his arms cuddling her from the front.

_"Wait…something isn't right about that statement."_ Vivi thought as she opened her eyes.

"ACK!" Cobra's daughter screamed, throwing herself to the floor. Her eyes bulged when she saw that both Nami and Robin had apparently divested themselves of any clothing and crawled into bed with her.

"What the hell is wrong with you two!" the shocked woman cried out.

"What do you mean?" the orangette smirked lustfully.

"Indeed. Since more subtly method of getting your affection didn't work, we decided the direct approach was in order." Robin crooned.

"Nami, you're a married woman!" Vivi protested as the two crawled toward her.

"So?" the navigator shrugged.

"And…and…Robin, aren't you involved with Franky?" the princess squealed.

"I'm sure he'll understand." The archeologist replied.

BANG!

That was the moment that the door slammed open, and Luffy, Sanji, Franky and Zoro all piled in weapons ready.

"This isn't what it looks like!" the shocked girl protested.

THUMP!

Sanji and Brook were down for the count, blood dripping from their noses.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

Minutes later, the three women sat in the galley as the men looked at them like they were some form of as yet unclassified strain of cootie.

"So you have no idea what brought this on?" Luffy deadpanned.

"I know. I fell madly in love with Vivi hime!" Nami giggled, kissing the other girl on the cheek.

"Indeed…" Robin smiled, goosing the poor girl who leaped out of her seat and to the other side of the room.

"I can't take much more of this…" Franky snarled, looking like he was about to start spitting nails.

"I have **no** idea what brought this on! Whatever these two say I do not swing that way!" Vivi gulped.

That was when things went from bad to worse…

"Luffykins! I came to visit. Has my fellow co-wife left you yet?" Boa Hancock asked as she walked through the door.

"Sort of…" The rubber man rolled his eyes.

Suddenly, Boa's face acquired a sort of deer in the headlights look. Like Someone had been so shocked by something that they didn't know what to make of it

"It's a pleasure to meet one sane woman on this ship. My name is….MRPH!" the princess gasped as the pirate empress tired to shove her tongue down the younger girl's throat.

"My name is Boa Hancock, and you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. I think I love you" the devil fruit user whispered lovingly.

WHUMP!

Vivi fainted.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

"The Yuri Yuri no mi?" the princess gapped.

"Yep. Apparently the devil fruit you ate caused you to excrete pheremones that only affect women. Any woman who gets a wiff willl be instantly attracted to you. You're putting out enough of the stuff to choke a seaking horse." Chopper replied clinically.

"Robin can grow limbs from any place in her line of sight, Luffy turns into rubber, you can change into a human, Brook came back to life, and Hancock can turn people who lust after her into stone. And what do I get: I turn women into lesbians!" the heiress to the Arabasta throne growled, banging her head against the wall.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

A few days later, the Thousand Sunny arried at Arabasta. It was a almost unanimous decision that Vivi stay at home until she got a handle on her new powers.

As for who the disenters were...

"Don't go!" Nami wailed, hugging the other girl's right ankles.

"We need you!" Robin sobbed, latching onto her left leg.

"Vivi hime or Luffykins? Vivi hime or Luffy Kins? Oh, I cannot choose! **_I must have them both!"_** Hancock shrieked, clutching her head.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

"That's it. You are never leaving the palace again." Cobra deadpanned.

"Agreed." Igaram snorted.

**Remember folks: read, review and check out the challenge on my profile page.**


	12. Chapter 12: Escapees and Luffy

**"I know this might be a bit darker than what I've done in the past, But after the recent few chapters, my muse offered me an unusual bit of inspiration while I was watching a certain episode of Buffy. Enjoy.**

Chapter 12: Luffy

The sea was vast, with many mysteries that defied description. One such secret occurrence was the reality defying song cloud. It was not named this because of its beauty, but rather because of the unique property that caused the people who sailed through it to sing from their souls. Case in point: one ship full of fugitives who broke free from the most infamous prison in the world.

_"I touch the fire and it freezes me I look into it and it's black! Why can't I feel? My skin should crack and peel…I want the fire back!" _Luffy growled as he looked at the shining city in the distance.

_"Now, through the smoke he calls to me, to make my way across the flame...to save the day or maybe melt away, I guess it's all the same." _He continued, swinging across the rigging until he reached the cows nest, letting the wind blow through his hair.

_"So, I will walk through the fire! Cause where else can I turn? I will walk through the fire, And let it.."_ the pirate captain sang defiantly into the sky.

* * *

_"The torch I bear is scorching me,"_ Crocodile ground out as he looked down at the unwashed rabble.

_"Iva's laughing I've no doubt. I hope she fries…" _he muttered mutinously as he remembered how the Okama blackmailed him into this fool's errand.

_"You're free if that bitch dies!"_ Daz Bones chimed in dryly.

_"I better help them out."_ The former warlord smirked.

* * *

_"Cause he is drawn to the fire, Some people, they will never learn_!" Doflamingo snickered as he watched the marines running around like ants preparing for the upcoming war.

* * *

_"Will this Var do a thing to change him? Am I leaving Dragon's spawn in danger? Is my sweetie too far gone to care?" _the former king/queen frowned.

_"What if Luffy can't defeat it?" _Buggy made a face.

_"Big nose, is right, we're needed! Or we could just sit around and glare" _Gialdino blanched, seeing his partner in crime arming a Muggy Ball.

_"We'll see it through It's what we're here to do So, we will walk through the fire..."_ the other pirates chorused involuntarily.

* * *

_"So one by one, they turned from me, I guess my friends can't face the cold…"_ Luffy spat into the sea, remembering how his nakama were ripped away from him.

* * *

_"What can't we face?"_ Nami mused from Weatheria.

* * *

_"But why I froze, not one among them knows…"_ the Rubber man frowned, remembering the phantom pain of Magellan's poison.

* * *

_"If we're together…"_ the weather which continued, her voice ringing across the sky.

* * *

_"He came from ze grave much graver."_ Iva grimaced, looking up at the melancholy captain.

* * *

_"So one by one they come to me, the distant redness as their guide…"_ The puppet master giggled as he pictured how all those lives would be snuffed out.

* * *

_"First, I'll save her, then I'll kill her!"_ the suna suna no mi user planned.

* * *

"Everything is turning out so dark." Usopp growled as he jogged across the Island of Greenstone, dodging a giant beetle that tried to bite him.

* * *

_"Going through the motions…" _the Rubber man clenched his fists.

* * *

_"But what they find, Ain't what they had in mind It's what they have inside_." Garp sang under his breath.

* * *

_"I think this line is mostly filler…" _Inazuma shrugged.

* * *

_"They will come to me!" _The Pink coated man crooned.

* * *

"These endless days are finally ending in a blaze." The straw Hat captain mused as he bagan to clamber down the rigging.

* * *

"And we are caught in the fire, the point of no return! So we will walk through the fire And let it Burn. Let it burn! Let it burn! Let it burn!" All of the players chorused in perfect Harmony as a giant wave picked up the tiny ship and carried it into the distance.

* * *

"Fufufufufu! Showtime!" Doflamingo leered as he watched the carnage below.

**Remember folks, read, review, and check out the challenges on my profile page. I posted two new ones that I'm hoping will peoples interest.**

**And one final request, the manga scanlation website I use to reference against my Fanfics (onemanga dot com) is being shut down. If any of you know a website that offers good quality scans, I would appreciate the help.  
**


	13. Chapter 13: Amazon Lilies and Sanji

**I felt can't believe I wrote this, but since so many of you asked for a sequel to the previous princess Vivi chapter, I couldn't help but oblige**. **Enjoy!**

Chapter 13: Amazon Lilies and Sanji

"And **what **would possess you to venture onto forbidden territory? You know all to well that any male who steps foot into my territory wikk die a painful death. Even if you are… technically a woman now." Boa Marigold glowered at the neo buxom blonde in front of her.

Sanji was torn, part of him wanted to lavish attention on the beauty in front of him…er, her. But several things were keeping that from happening, first off, he had been shackled to the floor with enough chains to wrap up the Thousand Sunny. Second, Boa Marigold was flanked by her sister and a hundred Haki wielding armed guards. And even a hormone besotted man like Sanji knew that he'd be dead before he got the chance to noodle dance.

"Ya see, it happened like this…" Sanji chan blushed.

* * *

The crew chef was running for his life.

"Come to me, Sanji my love!" Zoro cackled,

"I promise I'll be gentle with a Super guy like you!" Franky bawled.

"I'm pretty sure I can talk Kaya into a threesome!" Usopp yelled.

"YOHOHOHO! May I see your boxers?" Brook yodeled.

Chopper was humping his leg.

Actually, to be more accurate, he was running for his sanity and his chastity.

* * *

How did this turn of events come about? Well, to coin a phrase, Sanji pulled a Buggy.

After years of searching, the sea cook found a lead to realizing his dream: a merchant who claimed to have a map to the All Blue. Naturally the kick master jumped at the bargain. The price was pretty simple; one uneaten devil fruit.

Two weeks later during a raid on a marine ship, the crew stumbled into the ship's hold and Sanji found a small chest containing a pair of devil fruits. One went to Vivi (and lord knows how well that turned out), the second was pocketed by the curly browed man.

The days passed as the fruit laid innocently in Sanji's bunk, just waiting to be given to its new owner.

Then disaster struck.

Sanji was examining the fuzzy looking purple berry bundle, wondering idly what kind of devil fruit it was.

"Sanji! Chopper, Usopp and me are playing drum Island! Wanna join in?" Luffy babbled, barging into the men's quarters.

"MRPH!" the sea cook gurgled, stuffing the fruit into his mouth and shaking his head.

"Too bad. We need someone to play Sanji…" the captain pouted, shuffling off.

The Black leg practitioner let out a sigh of relief as he turned around and leached for the leafy stem.

"Hey! Are you sneaking food and not sharing it with me?" the rubber man frowned, sticking his head back in.

CRUNCH!

Biting down in reflex, Zoro's rival severed the stem with his teeth. His throat burned as the berries slid down his throat.

_"Oh shit." _He though.

* * *

The sea cook was in a deep blue funk for the next week. He could all but see his dream going up in smoke.

_"Now I'll never find the All Blue…"_ Zeff's apprentice moaned.

"What's the matter Sanji kun? Want me to kiss you and make it better?" a male voice crooned.

The cook let out a manly shriek of terror as he felt something poke him in the butt had no business being there.

"Marimo! What the hell?" the chef squawked indignantly upon seeing the moss head's lewd look.

Thus started the madness.

* * *

It was only a few short hours later that Usopp wandered into the mast hard enough to bend his beak, all the while muttering about a menage a troi.

* * *

Franky shut himself up in his room for three days, when he came out he had made a life sized statue of the Blond (and might I add that alarm bells went off in Sanji's head when he saw the not only was the thing not wearing any clothes, but it was accurate: How the hell had the cyborg known about that birthmark?).

* * *

Zoro stared and sighed longingly at the curly browed cook. It got to the point where Sanji had to threaten to turn his male crew mates into a Consommé if they didn't get their heads out of their collective asses and fix whatever was making them depressed.

Five seconds later, a chase ensued.

* * *

_"Thank the Lord that Luffy is on His Honeymoon with Nami chwan and Boa swan! I don't even what to think about what he would do with gear third!"_ the martial artist shuddered from up in the crow's nest.

"Problems cook san?" a voice to his left asked.

"ACK!" the culinary master yelped, lurching backwards and falling out the open door.

"My, my, he seems excitable today." Robin drawled as the cook plummeted.

* * *

After Sanji came too and recovered from his concussion, the archeologist thought of a frighteningly simple solution.

THUNK!

The cook gasped as the dark haired woman plunged a needle into his neck and pressed the plunger.

"What the hell did you do to…me…" The cook trailed off as he felt his Little Sanji and the dangle duo go away and be replaced by Ms. Sanji and the mammary twins.

"I injected you with a vial of Iva-san's strongest gender switching hormone. Nami got him to agree to supply her with a hundred vials in exchange for reducing his debt by thirty percent." The morbid goth replied.

"Wha…buh…huh?" the cook gurgled.

"Also, since your problem is apparently related to the fact that you attempted to sneak off with that Rambutan like devil fruit, the solution would be to go some place where men will never find you until you get a hold on these powers." Robin continued as she led him to a dinghy.

"Muh…guh?" the cook babbled as he tried to come to grips with his lost manhood and the realization that he had apparently eaten the Yaoi Yaoi no mi.

Say hello to the serpent sisters for me." She deadpanned as the woman conjured a pair of hands to undo the mooring ropes.

SPLASH!

"Now to bring Franky back to the land of the heterosexual. Now where did I put that East Blue Champaign and those fuzzy handcuffs?" the half android's significant other uttered

* * *

"And that's how it happened." The cook said, giving the women his best puppy dog look.

* * *

Five minutes later...

CLANG!

The neo woman pouted as the cell door slammed in his/her face.

**A few words before the close of this chapter. I'd like to thank all of you for your help**. **I offer my profound thanks to those who offered their suggestion to a good scanlation site.**

**Second, as usual, read, review, and check out the two new challenges on my profile page.**


	14. Chapter 14: Straw Hats: Chopper

**Penniless1 gave me a challenge to use a bunch of OT3 together in a chapter. And I delivered! Enjoy.  
**

Chapter 14: Chopper

Chopper was suffering from a severe lack of sleep. Not to mention emotional trauma.

Simply put, his nakama had become sex addicts! He had checked the food supply, the water, heck he even tested the air around the ship. There was no explaining how in a matter of days his crew had turned into a hormonal bunch of sex fiends! Chopper knew that decorum had no place on a pirate ship... but this was ridiculous!

It had started after the Marine peace conference a few days prior. After Supreme admiral Aokiji and Nami hammered out the truce.

Due to the simple fact that Marines and pirates were incapable of being in the same room for more than five minutes without coming to blows. In in an effort to keep the various factions form killing each other too quickly, a second was called in to lighten Chopper's load patch them back together should the need arise. The medic that was called in were the Legendary Dr. Kureha. Accompanying her was her current bed mate: a notorious pirate by the name of Eustace "Captain" Kidd. It was a match made in heaven. he took them apart and she patched them back up. Add in the mutual love for pointy instruments of death and it was little wonder they ever saw the outside of their bedroom.

It should be noted that a few of the stipulations were that any and all of the Eleven supernovas who got captured were released. The ice man countered (knowing that the only one to ever get caught was Bonney) that she remain on the Sunny under the crew's care.

The second condition was that a Marine was to stay on the ship as a liaison. Much to Zoro's ire (or elation if you asked him while he was drunk) Sergeant Tashigi was chosen to be the ambassador.

Roughly a week after, Kaya showed up out of the blue to visit her old friend Usopp who joined the crew as Chopper's Nurse/ assistant.

So with three new crew members, the madness began.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

It started when Sanji rejoined the crew after his sojourn on the Island of Amazon lilies. The former captain of the Bonney pirates took one bite of his cuisine and tackled the cook to the ground. She dragged the still female sea chef by the hair to cook's quarters and hadn't been seen since.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

Luffy had his wives (which, might I add, that no one was sure how that happened) hadn't seen the light of day since their honeymoon. Puberty hit the Rubber man like a ton of bricks. It took the combined efforts of the pirate queens to keep the lucky piece of shitty rubber (as Sanji called him when he wasn't occupied with Bonney) occupied. Not that they minded one bit.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

Brook, Franky, and Robin were an odd trio to say the least. The morbid genius of the crew handcuffed Franky to her bed after that whole yaoi yaoi no mi incident. Brook made the attempt to spy on them from the porthole and passed out from blood loss. When he woke up, he was shackled to the bed and Robin proved that she was more than capable of waking the dead('s libido). The three hadn't been seen since.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

Usopp hadn't stood a chance. He and his old friend had talked long into the night about his adventures when they fell asleep. When they woke up in each other's arms, well, one thing led to another and…use your imagination.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

No one was sure how it started, but Zoro and Tashigi started discussing sword maintenance and polishing technique when they…well… started polishing each other's weapons.

Don't look at me like that! How else would you describe it?

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

And so a week later Chopper's fellow straw hats still hadn't made an appearance.

The reindeer trudged back to the ship and listened, and resigned himself to sleeping on the mini merry yet again as the moans and squeals of pleasure reached his ears.

That was when he heard the sound the sound of a steam engine coming up fast.

Looking over the side, the crew's doctor saw a slender (and might I add female) figure docking her boat off the port bow.

"Hesso! This is the thousand Sunny right? Is there a woman named Nami on Board?" the stranger asked, removing her hood and revealing a mane of bright blond hair done up in two pig tails. What caught the human reindeer's attention was the coat of delicate coco colored fur adorning the woman's sinfully delicious body and the bright blue nose placed in the center of her face.

"W-who wants to know?" the doctor stuttered, not quite able to get his synapses firing enough to string his words together.

"Tell her Conis has a bone to pick with the little tart for giving her a devil fruit and not telling her what it was!" barked the reindeer woman.

Gulping, Chopper stumbled backwards, eyes glazed as he made his way down into the lower hold.

Maybe hormones weren't such a bad thing after all?

**Remember folks, read, review, and check out the challenge on my profile page.**


	15. Chapter 15: Supernovas

Stupid Pirate tricks: Chapter 15: Supernovas

"Whose bright idea was it to hold this year's pirate summit here?" Trafalgar Law grimaced as he examined his new half horse body.

"There is a 99.999999999 percent chance that it was our King who prompted us to come to this accursed place…" The Now female Basil Hawkins deadpanned.

"Ook! AAH AAH! EEK! (How was I supposed to know this place was cursed?)" the red vested monkey above their heads chattered.

"Ya could've asked you banana sucking fool!" The man that used to be Jewelry Bonney cackled as she shook the tree in a vain attempt to knock the cursed monkey into their vengeful grasp.

Capone and Kidd were otherwise occupied, but that was because their individual transformations rendered them incapable of speech. The black piglet (Capone) or the toucan (Kidd) couldn't have much to say since they were rolling around on the ground doing their best to maul each other to death.

"OINK! UNK! BWEEE! (this is all your fault you sack of shit!)" The Pig howled.

"CAW! CA-CA-CAW! (How can this be my fault? You're the dip that scouted the place?)" Kidd chirped back.

THWACK!

The two were sent sprawling by a Komodo Dragon wearing a plumed Hat. The glare that X-Drake shot them needed no translation.

"CROAK!" the toad that used to be Zoro uttered morosely.

"CREEE!" the peacock that was Urogue fired back.

The ostrich formerly known as Killer and Apoo the Panther named Apoo were prowling around the base of the tree waiting to peck and scratch the primate to death.

How did this happen? Well…

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

Several months earlier…

Less than a year after Luffy managed to beat back the other supernovas and attain the title of pirate king, it was decided that Pirates as a whole needed to be much more unified than they had in the past. So it was suggested that every six months the most prominent Pirate crews hold a summit to discuss important details or rumors that bore investigation…so as to avoid having them picked off one by one should the worst happen.

Luffy's only criteria was that the island be "cool" and "a great place for adventure".

Nami smacked him upside the head and mentioned that a neutral Island that didn't belong to anyone's territory was a good idea.

So the search began. Ninety percent of the sea was discounted simply because the world government claimed the area or it belonged to one of the many pirate crews that sailed the seas.

Finally, after weeks of searching, an appropriate place was chosen: a small island a few miles into the New World known as Jusenkyo. It's a pity none of them asked for a translation. Knowing that the place meant pools of sorrow might have saved them a lot of grief.

_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_H_

The island was pristine. It was only a few miles wide but possessed one of the most beautiful vistas on the entire sea: a misty flatland dotted by hundreds of fresh water springs. Each with their own intricate lattice work of bamboo shoots that jutted out of the water.

'There's something odd about this place. This island reeks of ancient magic." Basil said uneasily.

"Get yer head outta ya ass Hawkins and live fer once!" The pink haired woman cackled, slapping the magician on the back.

"For once, I agree with the wench. My men and I spent a good week looking this place over and it's totally uninhabited."

"If you lot would excuse me, I'd like to take a few samples of the water and the local flora…" Law drawled, elbowing his way past Apoo.

"That one should try a little more roarin' and a little less acting high and mighty…" The music man uttered under his breath.

"Want me to gut him for you?" Kidd leered, fingering his knife.

"Maybe later…" the roar of the sea snickered.

Luffy more or less ignored the other pirates, more intent on exploring the surrounding area than making small talk. It would be at least another hour before their carpenters and shipwrights finished the small cabin where the meeting would be held.

"Adventure time!" the king whooped with sparkles in his eyes as he ran into the mist.

"How did that little kid become pirate king again…" Urogue rolled his eyes.

"By kicking all your asses, that's how!" Zoro pointed out, much to Kidd and Killer's ire.

SPLASH!

"Sorry law! I didn't see you there!" they heard Luffy apologize.

"NEIGH! You blundering idiot! Look what you've done! _ROOM!_"

WOOSH!

**_"SHAMBLE!"_**

"Watch it with the…" the king protested.

SPLASH!

"OOOK AAAAHHH!" they heard a monkey howl.

The remaining nine supernovas charged en-masse, and were shocked to see a howler monkey wearing red vest and an oversized straw hat chattering wildly at an honest to goodness centaur.

"Law? Is that you?" Drake goggled.

"Of course it's me! This moron knocked me into the water…and look what it did!" the half horse doctor reared.

"I always knew he was hung like a…" Bonney responded. But her full statement was cut off when Kidd kicked her in the rear rather than have to hear the complete statement.

SPLASH!

"You…you…yellow bellied Pole cat! Look what you did!" Bonney bellowed as she surged out of the spring. One thing's for sure, her usual tight shorts were a lot less flattering on a male body.

"Ung! That was not a sight I needed to see…" Killer grimaced.

"My mind feels even less pure than it did before…" the fallen monk uttered.

All the other pirates averted their eyes to avoid seeing the formerly female pirate's new wedding tackle.

"Well if you lot hate it so much, how about the lot of you **take a dip!**" she snarled, rushing at them and grabbing Zoro and Capone and hurling them across the bank of springs.

SPLASH!

SPLASH!

"BWEE!" A small piglet squealed as various ports opened on it's body.

POW!

BANG!

BOOM!

Cannon fire sent Apoo, Urogue, and basil tumbling into several different springs.

Killer grabbed his captain (who was protesting that he wanted to be the first to carve one of his fellow pirates new forms into pieces, only for an errant mortar to smash into the pole that the massacre man had lighted on, sending them both tumbling into the drink.

"Stop it! Before we all end up…" X-Drake protested.

A metal helmeted ostrich jumped out of the springs with a soggy toucan on it's back, knocking him into the water.

SPLASH!

"GGGRRRRR… (cursed)" The komodo dragon growled.

**Remember folks, read, review, and check out the challenges on my profile page.**


	16. Chapter 16: Supernovas

Chapter 16: Supernovas

"Well this is a fine mess you lot got yourselves into!" Nami growled as she upended a bucket of hot water over Luffy's head, turning him back to normal. All of the other Supernovas that had already been returned to their normal selves were gathering their assorted clothes and trading any that got mixed up. One particularly interesting incident involved Apoo trying to claim Kidd's coat (claiming it was "His style") and almost getting beaten to death for his efforts.

"Bepo is sorry! Bepo has failed you!" The white bear bawled as he cried rivers of tears that turned Law back into his half equine form.

BAM!

In a rare fit of temper, the dark doctor lashed out with his hind legs and punted his subordinate off the Thousand Sunny and into the sea.

"There is a 0.1 percent chance our King will make it out of this with his _Kintama_ intact." Hawkins glowered as straw began to creep up his limbs.

WHACK!

X Drake bopped the magician on the head with his tail.

"Violence won't solve anything. At least Robin san was able to find out that the curses were reversed with hot water." The dino man grunted.

"Fat lot of help that is. I still grow a willie every time I touch cold water. As if it wasn't bad enough that I'm a hammer, Now I'm an aqua transsex-u-haul too!" Bonney said hotly as she/he scratched her/his now male crotch.

"That's Trans**sexual. ** Try not to butcher your words more than normal?" Capone frowned as he opened the various ports on his body and drained the water that had leaked into him. His men were still taking stock of the damage. Almost half his crew had been turned into barn yard animals after his belly flop into the spring of the drowned pig.

The female captain's reply consisted of two upraised middle finger.

Zoro was having issues of his own.

"BWA-HA-HA-HA! Oh that is too rich! Marimo got turned into a toad! You gonna find a handsome prince to kiss you now?" Sanji cackled, rolling on the floor laughing.

Narrowing his eyes, the toad hopped into the air and landed smack dab in the middle of the sea chef's face.

"GAH! Get the Marimo off me! I'll get warts! He'll ruin my perfect looks!" The black leg master flailed his arms as he ran around the deck….

BAM!

SPLASH!

And slammed into the port rail, sending him into the drink next to Bepo.

"Coak!" the cursed swordsman said smugly.

"Hot water is a temporary cure. Maybe if we dipped ourselves into the appropriate gender springs…." Hawkins ventured.

The supernovas with the physically weakest curses perked up.

"I wouldn't advise it. The curses mix when you jump into a second spring. But I'm sure that some of you would find fulfillment in being half man half woman…." Robin smiled primly at Bonney and Hawkins, who turned green and shook their heads.

"I don't know about all of you, but bein' double coursed doesn't bother me one bit!" Apoo smirked.

"Of course **you'd **like your curse. The coward who ran from a pack of pigs the moment he stepped onto the first island of the new world gets the form of a perfect predator…." The massacre man spat.

"You're just jealous because all yours can do is bury its head in the sand!" the music man cackled.

The aptly named massacre man unsheathed his hand scythes and growled at the lanky pirate, who let out a squeak as he remember who he was taunting and promptly his behind Trafalgar Law.

"Meh, their not that bad!" Luffy grinned as he drenched himself and leaped into the rigging.

"Says the one who still has opposable thumbs…" The mad monk uttered.

SPLAT!

A rank brown substance splattered into the man's face.

"This had better be mud…." The Skypeia native growled.

Bonney wiped a finger full of the smelly brown glop off the larger pirates face and sniffed it.

"That's not mud." She said simply.

Narrowing his eyes, the winged man suddenly quadrupled in size and grabbed the mast, pulling it out of its mooring with a deafening crack.

"OI! MY SHIP!" Franky bawled as he leaped onto the larger man's back.

Seeing an opportunity for some carnage, Kidd leaped into the fray and nailed the large man across the chops with a metal encased hand. Knowing his Captain would loath being taked out by a blow to the back, Killer ran at Franky (who was readying a coup de vent) and leaped onto his back, throwing his full weight backwards and catapulting the shipwright across the deck.

"HEY! No one does that to my Nakama and gets away with it!" Zoro (who had turned grabbed some hot water) bellowed, lunging at the First mate of the Kidd pirates.

Naturally, at that point, it was a free for all. The combined members of the Kidd, Straw hat, Hawkins, Drake, Heart, On Air, Bonney, and Fallen monk pirates leaped into the brawl. The entire ship shook from the cacophony as more than three hundred pirates engaged in a free for all right there on the grass deck.

Nami yelped as she was knocked over and a piece of paper spilled out of her tank top.

Kidd scooped up the parchment and flicked it open.

"My evil plan to make lots of money?" he read the title, examining the drawing of Nami suggesting Jusenkyo as the meeting ground, where the Supernovas would eventually fall into the springs, The other side depicted how Nami would hold the hot waterless pirates for ransom in exchange for half of each their total net worth.

By the time this had sank in, the navigator had already leaped into the Minny merry and sped off into the sunset.

**Remember folks, read, review, and check out the challenges on my profile page.**


	17. Chapter 17: Harem

**I don't know where I came up with this one. Enjoy!**

Chapter 17: Harem.

No one was sure how it started. All they knew was that the argument had been going on for hours. People who interfered had been turned to stone, regressed into infants or old age, and or struck with lightning.

"HE'S MINE YOU DAUGHTER OF A KITCHEN SLATTERN!" someone howled.

"WHAT DID YA'LL JUST CALL ME!-?" a second screeched.

"I think she just called you the offspring of a whore." A third voice replied.

"Can't we talk about this?" A fourth pleaded.

"NO!" the first three yelled.

Sanji was huddled in a corner mumbling under his breath about the unfairness of the world, and how "lucky pieces of shitty rubber" got all the girls.

"How in the nine hells did **Luffy **of all people manage to get a harem?" Zoro frowned.

"I still support the theory that he possesses some undiscovered form of Haki. If I wasn't being satisfied every night by Franky, I might just be tempted to join them ." Robin replied.

SPUUUUUURRT!

"Are you **tryin'** to kill me, Robin?" the cyborg sputtered, having just spit out a mouth full of cola.

"LALALALALA! RURURURU! I am now singing the TMI song!" The sniper cackled, his fingers in his ears.

"I was just stating the obvious." The goth replied.

"Yohohohohoho! We can learn a lot from out captain! Including how to win bets! Pay up doctor san!" Brook yodeled as Chopper handed him a wad of Beries.

"What I want to know is how he not only managed to catch the attention of Nami…but Boa Hancock and Jewelry Bonney as well!" Usopp grumbled.

"Maybe he's figured out that doing the opposite of Emo curly swirly is the way to go…" the swordsman smirked maliciously.

"BAKA MARIMO! You can make fun of me when you find someone who's stupid enough to bed you!" the cook shot back.

"Said the eternal virgin…" the green haired young man snickered.

WHAM!

Sanji slammed a heavy steel tray into the top of Zoro's head, the impact the the effect of raising a lump the size of a millennium dragon egg on Zoro's moss colored scalp and made him let out a string of curses so vicious that it actually peeled the paint off the side of the Thousand Sunny.

Suddenly, all noise stopped.

"Do you think they killed each other?" Chopper gulped, his eyes brimming with unshed tears.

"I LOVE YOU ALL!"

"DON"T STOP!"

"OH! I…I…KYAH!"

"I'M GONNA…I'M GONNA…UGH!

The head of every Straw Hat Pirate on deck jerked up the moment they heard the momentous screams of pleasure.

"Are they…" the first mate asked.

"I'm not sure if I want to know…" Usopp replied weakly.

"Luffy's even more of a machine than I am!" Franky uttered dryly.

Brook and Robin were already on the move.

"Oi! Whare are you two going?" Chopper sputtered.

"To watch the show!" the skeleton replied, his eye sockets looking a little too happy for the crew's taste.

"I'm merely observing to discover what makes out captain so virile." Robin answered.

More than a minute passed.

The archeologist strolled back to the crew, her expression even blanker than usual. She was supporting Brook, who was being dragged by the ankle, a trail of blood marking their passage (the blood was flowing out of his nose at a rate thought incapable of a technically dead person).

"Well?" the shipwright asked.

"I need only a few words to describe what I just saw: Quadruple reverse cowgirl with a half twister." Robin replied before she glided into the lower hold on the opposite side of the ship.

"Did she just say what I think she said?" Zoro gulped.

"I didn't even know there was a position like that?" the sniper goggled as he gazed speculatively at the closed door.

"I didn't even think that was medically possible! You'd need to be made of rubbed to twist yourself that way…oh." Chopper blinked.

Meanwhile, Sanji was flipping though his dog eared copy of the Pocket karma sutra in an effort to figure out what the hell was going on in there, until he heard what Chopper had just said.

"You know what those four are doing? Tell me now you shitty emergency food supply or, with God as my witness, **I'll turn you into _venison cutlets_**!" Sanji roared, a flaming aura swirling around him that scorched Chopper's fur.

Whimpering feebly, the doctor whispered the answer into his ear for thirty long seconds.

No one was sure what Chopper had said to him, but Sanji's eyes suddenly became eyes crazed as he noodle danced furiously and slammed through the locked and barred door that led to the captain's quarters.

_"Mellorine!" _the cook whooped.

"ACK! Sanji!-? What the hell do you think you're doing?" Nami screamed.

"I've come to join you my lovelies!" the blonde giggled.

"He's cracked!" Bonney growled.

"Or rather he will be." They heard Hancock deadpan.

"Let's get him! Gomu gomu no…"Luffy growled.

"Merro Merro…"

"Regression…"

"Thunderbolt…"

"JACKPOT!" the four bellowed.

Suddenly, a charred statue of elderly Sanji was blown out the roof of the cabin and launched into the horizon.

It would take another month to find where he landed. Luffy and his angels (as they had come to be called) were very amused to find that his petrified form had become the Centerpiece of Bentham's Okama dance club.

**You know the drill folks: Read, review, and check out the challenges on my profile page.**

**I almost forgot. I'd like to congratulate Phalanx for being my first ever one hundredth reviewer. I'd like to thank you all for your contribution to this series of tales. **


	18. Chapter 18: The obligatory crossover

**I've decided to take a stab at Aoihand's crossover challenge. Abandon sanity, all who enter here...BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! **

Here are the Rules:

1.) Minimum five entries/drabbles

2.) Each 'crossover' must have a different focus. i.e. Try to be more creative than five scenes about a bromance between Luffy and Naruto.

3.) TELL ME! XD

OH HELL YEAH, BABY, BRING IT~!

**Ratchet and Clank**

It had been a long six months since Ratchet had disappeared. This time it had been Clank who had sought him out. The last message he had received before the transmission went dead was that his traveling companion was investigating a world at the edge of the Marnat system.

He certainly hadn't expected to not only find that his friends were alive and well, but rolling in the local currency after Ratchet and Talwyn Apogee joined a local pirate crew as heavy Artillary man and scout.

The small robot looked on incredulously as the Green haired one (Clank wasn't sure how in Orvus's name **that **color could have been natural) fought a blond who's leg was on fire. Sure, some of the stupider Agroians were dim enough to try it, but to see someone pull it off…was another kettle of fish.

Off to the side, a teenager made of Rubber was shoveling twice his body weight's worth of food into his rapidly swelling stomach. The less said about the things that were wrong with this the better.

His optics swiveled to a dark haired woman who he had been discussing inter planetary literature with a moment ago as her cyborg lover tweaked some of his circuitry. How this nearly naked man knew how to repair a Quantum actuator was a question best left for later (like when he was in orbit).

"And so, with eight thousand followers at my side! I, the mighty **Captain Usopp,** defeated the terrible Florana Tree beast and his one eyed monkey!" the long nosed sniper proclaimed to an enthusiastic man reindeer.

"YOHOHOHO! That was truly a spirited tale!" Brook the living skeleton whooped.

"I can't leave you three alone for one minute, can I?" The android frowned, gazing at the Lombax and his wife who were snoozing in a hammock, and captain Quark, who apparently had a relapse and once again thought he was a monkey.

Nami tapped him on the shoulder.

"Now, about the cost of these repairs…" the orangette smiled sweetly.

**Kingdom hearts **

"You're sure this key sword…"

"Blade." Sora corrected the Rubber man.

"Keyblade, can unlock the vault?" Luffy asked (all the while picking his nose), gazing at the massive steel door that (according to the map) led to a fabulous treasure.

"I'm sure. That's where the keyhole is for this world is. It's kind of how these things work…" the keybearer uttered, scratching the back of his neck.

The moment The Key master held his weapon up, a massive explosion rocked the island, knocking everyone off their feet.

BOOM!

"ZEHAHAHAHAHA! That treasure is **mine**!" Blackbeard bellowed as he descended with his army of heartless.

"Hey Sora? Can we try that that 'Limit break' thing you told us about earlier?" the captain pleaded.

"It only works with one person at a time." Donald explained for what seemed like the millionth time.

"I don't think their listening." Goofy pointed out.

"Straw Hats!" the Key master bellowed.

"SORA!" the responded.

"NAKAMA ASSAULT!" the ten bellowed.

** Percy Jackson**

"So you're telling me, that you aren't a devil fruit user like you've led us to believe?" Nami frowned, gazing at the cowering chopper.

"N-no! I was supposed to use that as a cover story while I protected you. Although rule's been broken before, it's still frowned on if any kids sired by the big three pop up. And considering whom you're the child of…" the satyr gulped, eying the lightning bolt in the navigator's hand.

"I needed more protection than normal. Now about these powers?" the thief smiled innocently.

"We're all doomed…" Usopp whimpered.

**Artemis Fowl **

The eighteen year old boy with the mismatched eyes and Nami mulled over their respective stories over their drinks (beer for the lady, and wine for the boy).

How he had gotten there was an interesting story.

Apparently, someone sneezed while the Island of Hybras was in time tunnel transit, causing the entire demon population (plus a fairy and one mud man) to get plunked down over three hundred years into the future, during the golden age after the revival of piracy.

"So you committed your first theft at the tender age of six, robbing a band of pirates out of millions?" Artemis asked, a speculative gleam in his eyes.

"Yep. And you sold a rare animal to a group of cutthroats at the age of…ten?"

"Indeed. It's not often I'm impressed by a rival…" he smirked.

"I'll take that as a compliment. But that doesn't change the fact that we have yet to determine what we'll do with this painting…" the orangette smiled cattily, fingering the same painting, The Fairy thief, that Artemis the second had stolen three centuries ago.

Artemis felt a tightening in his throat that he had kept suppressed since he had parted way with Holly a month ago, who had gone off in search of the people, (if only to determine if there was a way to get home).

_"Damn these hormones!"_ the time traveling thief thought as she nailed him with a morally bankrupt, wanton smile that never failed to drive men up the wall. Even Luffy fell for her charms when the situation called for it.

**The Princess and the frog (Disney version)**

Zoro and Sanji eyed each other as their captain and the prince talked with the shabby looking Voodoo priest, the man's expression darkened. He lunged at the five, holding his cane like a fencing saber at Lawrence's throat. The footman's Adams apple bobbed up and down against the staff pressed against his neck.

"Don't you disrespect me little men! Don't you derogate or deride!" Facilier spat, gesturing to the shadows behind him.

_"You're in my world now….not your world! And I got friends on the other side…"_ suddenly, torches blazed above a sign that advertised Dr. Facilier's voodoo emporium.

_"He's got friends on the other side..."_ A chorus of moaning voices whimpered from the shadows of the shop.

"That's an echo, gentlemen. Just a little something we have here in Louisiana, a little parlor trick. Don't worry..." The slender man grinned happily as he led Luffy and the Prince into the shop while the valet, Zoro, and Sanji trailed behind.

POOF!

CLICK!

Candles blazed along the walls, illuminating a row of chairs surrounding a small table.

_"Sit down at my table, put your minds at ease! If you relax it will enable me to do anything I please."_ The witch doctor gyrated across the room. No one noticed as his shadow reached out and slapped him five.

_"I can read your future I can change it 'round some, too! I'll look deep into your heart and soul (you do have a soul, don't you, Lawrence?) Make your wildest dreams come true!"_ the dark skinned man smirked as his shadow dangled a nude picture of Nami and Robin in front of the cook.

"Mellorine!" Sanji whooped as he gazed at the pictures.

He didn't see the priest's shadow turn into a viper, who's jaws were about to close around his head.

Zoro noticed at the last second and pulled his crewmate out of the way.

Suddenly, a pair of hands reached out of the darkness, snatching the first mate's sword out of his hands, tossing the venerable weapons into an umbrella stand in the corner just as Facilier's shadow punted the three wary ones across the room with a well placed kick.

"Wow! A mystery shadow!" the rubber man grinned.

_"I got voodoo!"_ The doctor grinned, pulling a curse doll out of thin air as they took their seats.

_"I got hoodoo!"_ The dark skinned man smirked as he handed Sanji a headless chicken.

"Meh!" the cook shrugged, tossing the carcass away.

Zoro grimaced when a black hand pulled the discarded fowl into the shadows, a few seconds later the sound of rending flesh and crunching bones rang out.

"I got things I ain't even tried!" Facilier whooped as he showed them a small Talisman and cracked it open under Lawrence's nose.

**FWWOOOOOOSSSHH!**

When the flames that the tiny thing belched receded back into the charm, the footman was minus a pair of eyebrows.

"And I got friends on the other side." The gap toothed man leered.

_"He's got friends on the other side…" _the masks above the table chimed in.

Luffy bounced in his seat as he waited for the show to begin.

"The cards, the cards, the cards will tell…The past, the present, and the future as well." Facilier grinned as the deck of Tarot cards fanned out and rolled down his arms like miniature wheels.

"The cards, the cards, just take three! Take a little trip into your future with me!" the voodoo master smirked as he fanned the cards in front of his customers.

The group drew three cards a piece from the fan of tarot.

_"Now you, young man, are from across the sea…you come from two long lines of royalty…" _the witch doctor grinned as he flipped a card depicting the many people wearing crowns dangling from a tree like fruit.

"I'm a royal myself on my mother's side…" Facilier added, displaying a shrunken head with a gold crown perched mockingly on its head.

_"Your lifestyle's high…"_ the good doctor sing-songed flipping the second card depicting the disowned prince sitting on a throne surrounded by a mountain of gold.

_"But your funds are low…"_ Facilier added, spinning the card so fast that its colors blurred. When the Tarots rotations stopped, the card now showed Naveen displaying empty pockets.

_"You need to marry a little honey whose daddy got dough!" _he grinned, flicking his wrist and turning the second card into one that depicted the poor prince standing next to a pretty woman, a mountain of cash beneath them.

"Mommy and daddy cut you off, huh playboy?" the witch doctor nodded sympathetically.

"Sad but true…" the dark skinned prince shrugged resignedly.

"Now y'all gotta get hitched, but hitchin' ties you down. You just wanna be free…hop from place to place." The doctor leered, rubbing his fingers together as he fanned his deck out in one long line.

"But freedom... takes green!" he grinned, flipping the cards, which turned into crisp, new dollar bills.

_"It's the green, it's the green, it's the green you need, and when I looked into your future  
It's the green that I see!"_ he smirked, flipping the third card displaying the prince surrounded by a mountain of money.

_"Your future luffy is to be a king! That's your only path in your mind, the only thing!"_ he drawled. Flipping a card that showed the rubber man standing atop a huge palace, a sword in hand and the one piece behind him.

"But that legacy, it takes time. And at the rate you're going, it'll take a while to get strong enough to protect those close to you. And if you don't get strong enough, well..." the doctor smirked, flipping the second card. Luffy blanched when he saw the image of his Nakama in prison or on the chopping block.

_"But like the prince, the you I see…is the you that you need to be!"_ Facilier smirked, flipping the final card showing the captain going toe to toe with all three admirals…and winning.

Zoro's expression was stony as the doctor turned to him. He knew his goal. And unlike the four of them, he knew that his path could only be forged with work.

_"I can tell you'll be a tough nut to crack, your path's set; Both forward and back…"_ the gap toothed rolled his eyes as he flipped a card showing Zoro leaving the dojo and his childhood behind, with Mihawk on the Horizon ahead.

_"Your past is tragic, that much is true." _He flipped the second card, showing him at Kuina's grave, making his vow to keep their promise, even though she was gone.

_"And when it comes to that, there's not much I can do." _ The doctor tossed the card into the air, when it came down, the image changed to Zoro and Mihawk clashing swords.

_"But I can show you the way to go, a way that can allow you to cut through!" _Zoro, although he tried to look away, he glanced down at the third card which showed him at the feet of several different sensei.

Gritting his teeth, the swordsman looked away, but the damage was done.

_"As for you, your dreams are an open book…"_ Facilier smirked at Sanji, waving the card in front of him that showed him holding a map tied with a Ribbon stamped with the word _"All Blue"._

_"All you have to do is know where to look!"_ the dark skinned man leered as he tossed the second card aside and flipped the third, showing the cook sailing a fish filled sea surrounded by a harem of women.

Sanji clutched the card like it was a lifeline.

_"On you little man, I don't want to waste much time…you been pushed around all your life!" _the dark skinned man sniffed dismissively, not bothering to acknowledge the footman's affronted look.

"You been pushed around by your mother and your sister and your brother." He pointed out, fanning a series of cards like a picture book that depicted Lawrence toiling under the yoke of a fat woman, girl and boy.

"And if you was married..."

The portly man's expression brightened.

"You'd be pushed around by your wife." He snickered, displaying a card that showed Lawrence being sat on by a woman as large as the 'mother', 'sister', and 'brother' put together.

_"But in your future, the you I see…is exactly the man you always wanted to be!" _ he secretly displayed a card that displayed Lawrence as the king, and Naveen as the servent. _  
_  
"Shake my hand. Come on boys, won't you shake the poor sinner's hand?" Facilier batted his eyes innocently, shaking each ones hand in turn.

"Yessss..." the gap toothed man leered.

_"Are you ready?"_ he bellowed, leaping back and throwing the curtains wide.

Even Sanji's hormone fogged mind snapped to attention when a swirling purple vortex sprang into existence that spewed out a half dozen wooden masks that were singing with the beat.

**_"Are you ready?"_** they chorused.

Luffy sprang out of his seat, only to be yanked by twin spectral snakes that tied him to the chair.

Seconds later, the other four found themselves in a similar predicament.

"Are you ready? _Transformation central!"_ Facilier boomed, his voice echoing sinisterly as he reached into the mouth of the largest mask, pulling out a pair of talismans.

_"Transformation central!"_the animated dolls parroted as they smashed their sticks into their drums.

_"Reformation central!"_ the doctor waved his hands in front of his face, turning it into a sneering skull mask.

_"Reformation central!"_ the dolls cackled as Facilier danced toward the tied up prince and future pirate king.

_"Transmogrification central!"_ the dark skinned man bellowed, snapping the sharp jaws twin charms shut over their fingers.

Naveen flinched as his blood flowed into the things throat, making it glow an angry red.

Luffy grimaced as he felt himself weaken.

_"Can you feel it? You're changin'! You're changin'! You're changin', all right!" _the voodoo doctor cackled as green smoke began to wash over their bodies, reducing them to animals.

_"I hope you're satisfied… but if you ain't, Don't blame me….you can blame my friends on the other side!"_ he danced wildly as they four felt their transformation become complete.

_"You got what you wanted! But you lost what you had!" _the dolls drummed wildly as Facilier slid toward the struggling pirates on his knees.

"Hush..." he whispered.

Then everything went black.

**Remember folks: Read, Review, and check out the challenges on my profile page. **


	19. Chapter 19: Luffy

Chapter 19: Luffy

Sleep was truly one of the few escapes that the Straw hat Pirates ever received (other than the occasional inter crew orgy because, as we all know, decorum has no place on a pirate ship).

But their sleep wasn't always restful. Even since the-incident-that-will-not-be-named that happened during Luffy's youth that cost him one of his first friends, the rubber man had developed some unusual sleeping habits….

* * *

"AAAHHH~!" Nami chwan!" Sanji writhed sleepily in his bunk as he pulled the warm body closer.

"Mrphurgle…." The person responded, sniffing his hair.

CHOMP!

"GAH!" Sanji let out a pained yelp as someone sank their teeth into his head.

Prying the person's jaws off of his skull, the chef glared dispassionately at his captain, before he punted the rubber man out the door.

SPLASH!

"Hammer overboard!" the cook deadpanned.

* * *

As you can guess, Luffy developed the habit of sleepwalking and finding people to cuddle with. Needless to say this led to some interesting moments…

* * *

"MMMMM! That was a super sleep!" Franky groaned as he sat up and popped his back.

"Indeed. My favorite part was when you used the baby oil…" Robin cooed, shooting her lover a smoldering look.

"Yep. But we gotta remember to lay off the grog. That stuff always makes me too sleepy to really enjoy it…" the cyborg grunted as he hopped out of bed.

"Erm, Cyborg san…we **were **the only ones in this bed last night…right?" Robin asked weakly.

"Yeah…Wh…WHAT THE HELL!"

"Five more minutes Dadan…." The captain mumbled as he pulled the covers over his head and threw his arms around Robin.

* * *

"Luffy you Asshole! For the millionth time, I am not an appetizer platter! So stop gnawing my antlers!" Chopper cackled as he tried to dislodge a stilly sleepy Luffy.

"Sabo Ace snuggle time make good cuddle …" the captain grunted as he chewed.

"GAH! Someone get the jaws of Life~!" the doctor squawked.

* * *

**WHAM!**

Nami got to exercise her Fist of Love when Luffy's wandering hands strayed into a no touch zone.

* * *

Even the other Supernovas got annoyed after the Rubber Man sleep walked onto their ships during the pirate summit.

* * *

THOMP!

STUFF!

STUFF!

BOOM!

Captain Kidd did **not** like being woken up in the morning by a Grabby Monkey D. Luffy. **Especially **when he was still recovering from a 'we time session' with the doctorine! So the Magnetic pirate tied the other captain in a knot, stuffed him into a cannon, and fired him at the Thousand Sunny.

* * *

Hawkins trudged onto onto the Thousand Sunny a week later and tried to drown a concussed and unconscious Luffy into the aquarium.

* * *

"Bepo is sorry! Bepo was told that Captain is currently hold Luffy's torso hostage. And if he ever attempts to molest my captain in his sleep again, Trafalgar Law says: 'I will happily carve Luffy open and remove his internal organs one at a time, and then mail you the preserved and pickled remains'…" the white bear said apologetically. Law had used his powers to graft the still sleeping Luffy's arms, legs, and head onto an empty water barrel.

* * *

The Straw hats almost feared coming up onto the deck the next morning. Given the recent events, it was almost a given that Luffy would crawl into bed with someone who either would out right murder him, or blast the ship in retaliation.

"Well?" Usopp asked as Zoro peered out onto the Upper deck.

"It doesn't look like anyone is waiting out there…" the Santōryū user uttered.

"It's bad enough our captain molests us every night in his sleep! But now he's doing it to other people! Let's vote: who's willing to chain Luffy to his bed to keep this from happening again?" Nami Scowled.

"AYE!" Everyone bellowed… except Robin.

"I happen to think he makes for a fine Teddy Bear. He was quite skilled at it a few nights prior…" she said primly.

Franky's eye twitched as he made his way to the captain's cabin to have a 'discussion' with the Rubber man about propriety and keeping his hands to himself.

He scuttled back to the group a scant few seconds later.

"You bros have gotta see this!" The cyborg sputtered.

Everyone peered into the captain's cabin.

"Yohohoho! That is sweet!" Brook chortled.

"Meh. If it keeps Mr. Grabby from sneaking into my bunk and playing with my breasts, I have no problem with it…" Nami shrugged.

"WHAT? WHY THAT SHITTY LITTLE PIECE OF RUBBER…I'M GONNA…" Sanji howled. It took both Zoro and Chopper sitting on him to keep the now flaming cook from charging into the captain's cabin and assaulting Luffy, who was holding an equally sleepy Jewelry Bonney, who had wandered into her fellow captain's cabin a few hours earlier.

**Remember folks, read, review, and check out the challenges on my profile page.**


	20. Chapter 20:Everybody

**"Gah! This map had better be right..." Zatanna growled under her breath as she repelled into a deep cave, crossed a stream of angry crocodiles, and jumped a bottomless pit.**

**Hours later, she exits the cavern with an old Arabian style oil tucked into her belt.**

**"Let's see if this works..." she mutters under her breath, rubbing the tarnished surface.**

**Suddenly, blue smoke come pouring out, that coagulates into the form of a person, dropping me on my behind.**

**I leap to my feet and twist my head, eliciting a jarring series of cracks as my bones pop.**

**"A month and a half stuck in one of those things will give you such a crick in the neck!" I groan.**

**"While the author is putting himself together, allow me to tell you that he doesn't own any of this. he's just getting his kicks borrowing One Piece." my muse rolls her eyes.  
**

**"You got that right! Now roll it!" I smirk, snapping my fingers and making us disappear in a puff of smoke  
**

Chapter 20: Everybody and their grandmother

Luffy gulped as he looked around the grove. Dozens of pirates were baying for his blood, and apparently this fat son of a sea king was impersonating him!

Just as he was about to smack the guy into next year, everything went from bad to worse.

"HALT! All pirates working under Straw hat Luffy get on the ground with your hands on your head!" Sentomaru snarled, flanked by PX-5 and PX-7.

Fake Luffy, AKA Damalo Black, broke into a cold sweat at the sight of the two humanized weapons.

"GET THE MARINES!" one side bellowed, despite their captains protests.

"KILL THE PIRATES!" the other roared, charging into the fray.

"I gotta get out of here before I get into trouble!" Luffy gulped.

POW!

A stray blast from PX-7 clipped the spot Luffy was standing on, sending him flipping through the air one way, and his cloak another.

"Oh Boy! I'm in for it now. Hancock told me not to get into any trouble…" the rubber man winced as two hundred sets of eyes gaped at him in disbelief.

"GET HIM!" the haki user marine bellowed.

_"I gotta get out of here!" _ the captain thought as he retreated deeper into the Shabondy archipelago

* * *

""Hey, number seven, we have to find number nine pronto." Zoro opined.

"Would you **shut up **about the arrival order already, Mr. I couldn't find my own ass without a map and a compass!" Sanji snarled.

"Who got here first again?" the swordsman deadpanned.

"Why I oughta…." The cook hissed, steam leaking out of his ears like Luffy using Gear second.

"Hi Zoro! Hi Sanji!" Luffy said as he ran past.

"Kill Him!"

"Bathe in the sinners bloooood!"

"Target acquired!"

"Target acquired!"

"Would you stop poking my head wound please?"

"The entire bounty to the person who brings me his head!"

"Was that our captain?" Sanji blinked.

"Indeed it was." The swordsman answered.

"We gotta bail his butt out again don't we?"

"Yep."

"I thought so."

"Oi you! Stop chasing our captain!"

"No! Luffy, don't eat that! You don't know where it's been!"

* * *

"Ah, Shabondy! Take a whiff of that fresh air!" Monkey D. Garp whooped as he threw an arm around Sengoku as they disembarked their ship.

"Be serious for once. We're here to find your grandson, not go sightseeing." The former supreme admiral frowned.

"Hey! There's a live band over there!" the former vice admiral grinned, dashing off.

"Hey! Get back here!" the giant sputtered as he chased after his reluctant travel companion.

Seconds later, Garp was tapping his heels to the beat of a jazz band that had taken up residence at a street corner.

"Let's cut a rug!" Garp whooped as he grabbed his former superior officer by the hand and swung him around wildly.

"Stop this at once!" Sengoku thundered as he moved to break up the scuffle, only to get sent flying when Garp suddenly let go.

BANG!

CLANK!

CRUNCH!

CLONG!

FWEET!

The former supreme admiral let out a yowl of pain when he flew head first into the band, scattering violin, piano, and trumpet players like a flock of frightened doves. The debacle ended when the dark skinned man stumbled out of the dog pile with his head stuck in a tuba.

"BWA-HA-HA-HA! It looks like you're finally got into the music! Get it? Because your head is stuck in a tuba!" Monkey D. Garp cackled.

"Shut up and help me out of there…" the fleet admiral said angrily.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"SINNERS MUST DIE!"

"STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW!

"This chase has become highly illogical PX-5."

"Indeed-PX-7."

"Hey, come here often, cutie pie?"

"You can flirt on your own time number seven. We have to save our captain."

"Sorry Sanji kun, I gotta go!"

"You shitty little cock blocking Marimo! I'll fillet you fer that!"

"Was that my Grandson?"

I don't know, my head 's stuck in a tuba." The Buddha like man spat.

"Come on!"

"Garp! Let go! I can't see where we're going!"

* * *

"Ah! What a nostalgic feeling! I haven't been here since my days as an apprentice pirate under Roger!" Buggy smirked.

"Oh captain Buggy! Tell us of your infinite wisdom!" one of the many impel down prisoners said reverently.

"First things first, always keep a weather eye out for trouble! You never know when a pirate might coming for my noble head!" the 'pirate messiah' preened…

STOMP! STOMP!

"WOULD ALL OF YOU PLEASE GO AWAY? Haōshoku Haki my rubbery behind!"

BANG! BANG

"COME BACK HERE SINNER! I'LL MAKE IT QUICK!"

SMASH! MANGLE! MUTILATE!

"DER, WHERE'D YAH GO BRO-BRO?"

"OVER HERE MORON!"

STAB! TEAR! CRUSH!

"HUFF…HUFF…STOP ALREADY! I really need to lose some weight!"

BOOM!

"I COULD USE A CAN OF OIL AFTER THIS RUNNING, PX-7."

"INDEED. WE ARE WAR MACHINES, NOT MARATHON PARTICIPANTS, PX-5."

**"GGGGGRRRRAAAAAWWWRRRR!-!-!-!-!"**

POW! POW! POW!

"WHERE THE FUCK DID GODZILLA COME FROM MARIMO?-!

"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW?"

SPLAT! CLANK! CUNK!

"GET BACK HERE GRANDSON!"

"GARP! I STLL CAN'T SEE!"

"Owie…" Buggy whimpered.

"For the honor of captain Buggy, CCCHHHHAAAARRRGGEEE!" an inmate howled as he and the others joined the fracas.

* * *

The chase went from one end of the island to the other, until it entered Grove thirty two, which would be forever known as Yakkety Sax Way.

Things got really weird when the entire procession dashed into a costume shop.

"Gah! Where'd my straw Hat go? And why the hell am I wearing a loincloth?-!"

"Does you wearing this mean you're proposing Luffykins?"

"HANCOCK? When the hell did you get involved in this? And why are you in a wedding dress?"

"WHERE'S THE SINNER?-!"

"Der…I don't know pastor bro-bro…"

"This drum isn't any better than the tuba! And why am I wearing a tutu?"

"Now I really am Monkey D. Garp!"

"Garp sama, that gorilla suit suits you."

"Same to you Sentomaru, and might I add that Bo-peep costume is very slimming and…GAH! The last thing I needed to see was a pair of pacifistas in diapers and bonnets! Make me unsee it Sengoku! Make me unsee it!"

"S-s-s-top shaking me!"

"Nice dress, curly brow."

"Shaddup! Like you look any better, nice bikini!"

* * *

The chase took them straight through the red bull china shop.

CRACK!

BANG!

POW!

Tinkle…

Tinkle…

* * *

And the Busōshoku pie factory.

SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

* * *

Until the chase reached Grove 46.

"GET ON!" Nami bellowed as the ship began to set sail.

Zoro and Sanji took a flying leap onto the Thousand Sunny, Lyffy fell short of the rail and clung to the side rigging. He looked over his shoulder and grinned at the enraged crowd.

"You will all always remember this as the day you **almost** caught captain…"

SPLASH!

A wave slapped the rubber man across the face, sending him into the drink.

Franky, Zoro, Nami, and Sanji formed a human chain that dragged their soaked leader back onto the deck

"Monkey D. Luffy…" the captain gurgled as he spat out a mouthful of sea water.

**Remember folks, read, review, and check out the challenges on my profile page.**


	21. Chapter 21: Straw Hat Time Loops

Chapter 21: Straw Hat Time loops

**Long ago in a galaxy not far away, an author by the penname of Innortal came up with the brilliant loop fic genre. The concept grew as several authors took up the task of penning their own looping adventures. And now, this humble author adds his own entry to the saga. Enjoy**

**Loop 1**

Luffy rolled his eyes as another loop started. There had been more loops that the teen could count since he and the other fifth generation anchors had began their little jaunt through time. He had seen and done it all.

Become Pirate king?

Mission accomplished.

Take over the World Government?

Been there.

Created a harem?

Done that, but still enjoyed it.

Find the one piece?

Bagged it, tagged it, and spent it… several times.

Sadly, even eating meat got old after a while.

It was a heartbreaking state of affairs when a person's dream became easy and commonplace.

Heck, last loop he beat up old man Whitebeard **and **Blackbeard without breaking a sweat and took over both their crews just to see the old farts of the WG blow a gasket. That had been a fun loop… up until Ace and Grandpa had come after him.

Luffy learned that loop that the fist of love wasn't the most feared thing in the world, it was the fist of being pissed beyond comprehension.

Moments later, Luffy remembered the universal fact that most of the anchors tended to end up 'waking up' in the worst situation possible.

Case in point, Luffy came into the loop just as (the soon to be late) Vice Admiral Garp applied his patented fist of love to the back of the young boy's head. From the look in his eyes Luffy was about to be subjected to one of the man's cocked up training exercises.

_"Someone will pay for this…" _Luffy thought.

That was when the man tossed him into a nearby gorge.

"It could always be worse, it could be the cat fist…" Luffy muttered as he dusted himself off.

"Mrow!"

"Hiss!"

"PURRR!"

"I just had to tempt fate didn't I…" the looping pirate looked to the heavens.

* * *

**Loop 2**

Several loops later, shortly after arriving at the Baratie Luffy casually picking his nose while staring down Hawkeye Mihawk.

Normally this would be tantamount to suicide for two reasons.

First, Mihawk was Zoro's rival. And his first mate tended to get stabby when someone horned in on his shtick.

Second the guy was Hawkeye Mihawk! He had practically whetted his teeth on a sword. Facing him without some unbelievable skills or some major sharringan level cheat code was not the best of ideas…

Luckily, Luffy had a few tricks up his sleeve.

You didn't survive being an anchor without picking up a few mad skills.

Luffy cupped his hands by his side.

"Let's hope those loops in the DBZ verse were worth picking up this gem." he muttered.

Hawkeye unsheathed Kokutou Yoru and lunged for the captain's jugular.

"FALL!" the world's greatest swordsman bellowed.

"Kamehameha!" Luffy replied.

PHOOOOOOM!

The beam washed over Mihawk and knocked him ass over teakettle into the water. While it might not have been as strong as Goku's personal planet cracker, it was good enough in a pinch.

BBBBOOOOOMMMM!

Unfortunately, the teen's aim needed work, considering he blasted the restaurant sky high.

"Oops!" the straw hat pirate grinned weakly.

* * *

**Loop 3**

When Luffy woke up several loops later, he felt as if his head had been stuffed with cotton and his tongue had been scrubbed down with sandpaper.

He looked up and realized that he was pinned to the bed by a pile of bodies.

Female bodies.

As the memories of the past week of debauchery and carnal activities came back to him, Luffy grinned so widely that it looked like his head would split.

"Kishishishi! Best. Loop. Ever." The multi time pirate king muttered as he went back to sleep.

* * *

**Loop 4**

There was an unspoken agreement that the Lost ones were never to be spoken of under pain of excommunication from the Brother(and sister)hood of time loopers.

Especially around Luffy, the last of the three fifth generation looper after the other two were banished to the space between; the one dimension that was immune to looping. Mostly because it was a type of void that had no up or down, and no space time continuum to actually keep track of. People who were cast into the hellish place didn't live, they existed.

Both had given into their darker urges after several millennia, pursuing their own ends and growing more powerful, warping their previously benign nature into something foul, something dark, something demonic.

Raven was the first. She experienced freedom for the first time in her entire life during the loops. The lure of actually being able to show emotion and have the damage undone was too much. After several worlds were shattered, she was banished.

Then there was Yugi. His was the most tragic story, because he was banished not because of his own actions, but because of an accident. After spending several loops experimenting with the shadow realm, he accidentally merged with one of the most powerful duel monsters ever born; the Magician of Black Chaos. His mere presence threatened to destabilize the Yggdrasil even further. He voluntarily entered the Space between until a way could be found to separate the monster from the man.

At times Luffy wondered if he too would crumble, but then he looked at his fellow loopers, laughing and joking after the latest series of time loops ended.

Maybe there was some hope after all.

* * *

**Loop 5**

When Luffy came to He was surprised to discover that he wasn't in the Grand line anymore. He had apparently been reduced to the age of six or seven for this loop. The multi time pirate king was sitting in a giant stadium surrounded on all sides by other children who were chattering excitedly.

"KIDS NEXT DOOR RULES!-!" the blond in the center of the arena bellowed.

_"All right, which newb messed up and sent me and probably a few others into a new generation fused loop?" _Luffy thought.

"Let's see: Non looper, Non looper, Non looper, Aang, Non looper. Ranma (who looks pissed), Non looper, Goku, Ash, Ichigo, Naruto, loopers I don't know. BINGO!"

After the kid (who Luffy had soon learned was designated numbuh 362) had instigated a game of tag that left pretty much the entire stadium running for their lives, Luffy made his way over to the other anchors who had cornered the newbies.

"All right, what did you do?" Goku frowned, flexing his muscles (which lost a bit of its intimidation due to the fact that he a quarter of his normal size).

"I told her a million times that instigating a war among the Gods wouldn't stop the loops! But no! Ms. Daughter of the goddess of wisdom just had to pit the big three against each other in a celestial _cage match!_" Percy Jackson grunted, eyeing Annabeth sourly.

"Damn newbs…" Naruto uttered rolling his eyes.

* * *

**Loop 6**

"This is not happening! This is not happening…" Nami whispered as she looked at Buggy's, splattered, battered, and bruised carcass shortly after waking up to her first loop.

"Believe it navigator!" Luffy nodded.

"But how?" Nami sputtered.

"Long story short, the computer that ran the multiverse crashed in a big way. Now a bunch of worlds are stuck in a time loop until Skuld, the goddess of the future, can figure out how to bypass all the defenses and fix the thing.

"So we're stuck looping until some goddess fixes the world? How long can that take? A few months?" the redhead giggled nervously.

"So far, by my reckoning, The other anchors and I have logged about ten million, eight hundred and thirty thousand, seven hundred and thirty two loops give or take a few…" Luffy sighed. It was at that moment that the redhead noticed the look in her captain's eyes. While he might have looked like the same knuckle head she knew and tolerated, his eyes said differently. It was the kind of look you saw in a tired old campaigner who had seen too much.

"How do you cope with something like that?" Nami asked.

"You learn to adapt. One thing I've learned is that when in doubt, cause trouble…" Luffy grinned mischievously.

* * *

WHA-BOOM!-!-!

"Who snuck a shaving cream bomb into my office?-!" Admiral Akainu roared.

POW!

"And the whipped cream bomb?-!"

BANG!

"Oh Kami! A garbage bomb! What a smell!" the magma user yowled.

* * *

**Loop 7**

The latest loop had been an odd one to say the least. Luffy had woken to find himself with no powers whatsoever, and living in a rundown hut in a small village of Dismal Downs Scotland. Naturally, after several years down the road, things changed once his father for this loop handed him a handmade shoe shine kit.

After shrugging his shoulders, the young boy tromped out into the village and got to work. Of course, he laid the old ditch digger out flat after he tried to cheat him with some foreign currency, but that was the beginning of one of his most interesting looping adventures yet…

* * *

**Loop 7a**

About ten years later…

After leaving home at the tender age of thirteen, the boy now named Luffy D. McDuck (who freaked the moment he was born and saw a beak that would have made Usopp green with Envy) tried his hand at ranching in the barren land known as Montana.

Things got interesting after the first few weeks.

A pair of ruffians known as the viper brothers stole a prize bull that his boss had been planning to auction off in a matter of weeks. So, the multi time pirate king volunteered to go out and find the varmints.

The cowboy was perched on a nearby ledge overlooking the duo, beside him was a former politician, who simply wanted to known as Teddy.

"There they are…" Luffy whispered, grinning mightily.

"We'll have to do this quick. We need to lasso those two before they see us." his companion replied.

"Easier said than done. I have only one Lariat, so I'll have to use both ends…" Luffy grunted as he swing the loop in a wide circle.

WOOSH!

Right on target. The sleeping cowboy didn't even notice that he had been caught.

Teddy smirked as he picked up the other end and heaved.

The future rough rider gave a might tug as he tried to throw the weapon. He stumbled as the rope tangled on something behind him.

"GGRRRRRR…" the trapped grizzly bear snarled.

"Fancy meeting you here?" he squeaked.

"RARRRR!" the bear snarled, lunging for the two.

Luffy let out a squawk of alarm as he dove out of the way, the future president and the furious bear hot on his heels.

"WHOA!" the younger of the viper brothers yelped as he was jerked off his horse.

"Shot him! Shoot him!" Roosevelt bellowed as the bear raised its paw for another swipe.

"What do you think I'm trying to do?" the other cowboy cackled as he tried to free his gun.

WHAM!

In a odd twist of fate, Snake eyes Viper slammed into the grizzly, toppling it and knocking the looping pirate and future president off their feet.

"Ugh…" Luffy grunted as he landed on the bull's back.

"Ack! Cut me loose!" Snake eyes babbled as he ran from the bear, his arms tied to his sides and the creature at the other end of the lariat hot on his heels.

"No way! You're on yer own!" his older brother sputtered as he rode like his life depended on it, which it did!

That's when things got even weirder. The thunderous running of the bear and Snake eyes jostled loose one of the many dinosaur skulls that dotted the landscape, dropping it directly onto the head of an unsuspecting buffalo.

"ACK!" The Indian guides who led Teddy and Luffy to this point yelped as he came eye to eye with the confused, tyrannosaurus skulled buffalo.

Roosevelt stumbled to his feet as he gaped at the spectacle below: The buffalo was chasing the guides, who were following behind the enraged grizzly, who was chasing the still tethered younger viper brother, who was hot on the hells of his elder sibling, who was chasing the stolen bull that was being ridden backwards by Luffy.

"And I thought politics was a three ring circus…." The former politician blinked.

* * *

**Loop 7b**

Luffy reflected that his time in this particular loop must have been affecting him more than he thought. He hadn't been in this kind of temper since his days before the loops.

Deciding to dust off some old skills, the rubber man's fist stretched back, a good hundred feet from his current position. His ears picked up a snatch of conversation from within.

"Hey kid, there's a cowboy outside who says he's looking for you." The prospector winced.

"A cowboy? What's that? Some kind of apprentice milkman?" the target of Luffy's ire sneered.

"Gomu Gomu no PISTOL!"

POW!

Flintheart jumped out of his seat as the bottle dropped from his slackened lips and the swinging door was shattered off its hinges with a single mighty punch.

"No Glomgold. It's your worst nightmare you no good, back stabbing, son of a tri-sexual piece of shit!" Luffy snarled as he stomped into the bar, which had become silent as his killing intent radiated throughout the room.

"Luffy? I-I-I-I thought you had been captured by a band of Zulu warriors…" the thief gulped.

"Shut up. I've fought the tougher bastard than you and come out on top. My encounters with them made me resourceful and scrappy….but you…you made me **mean**." He snarled.

"Now **get over here**!" he bellowed, his arm stretching out as he grabbed Glomgold and tossed him through the window.

"Yow! Don't shoot me, please!-?" the other duck whimpered pitifully.

"I'm not gonna shoot ya, I don't put down dumb fucks like you. I just humiliate them!" the pirate barked back.

POW! POW! POW!

Three shots ripped through a row of molasses bottles, showering the thief in the thick syrup.

Glomgold stumbled into a discarded mattress, as the next round of bullets ripped through the area round him, showering him with feathers.

"This is what we do back in the states to cheats like you…we tar and feather them!" the looper barked as his opponent ran for the hills.

"Get back here! I'm not through humiliating you yet!" Luffy snarled as he ran after the retreating form.

* * *

**Loop 8**

"Claw: Megami no neko!" Nami barked as he ornate katana turned into a wicked looking scythe.

She leaped into the air and sliced and diced a hollow into pieces.

"I always liked these Bleach loops. It's always interesting to see when we show up and under what circumstances. This world's loops typically start around a hundred years before the real action starts…" Luffy smirked as he sheathed his zanpakuto: Kaizoku dono.

"A hundred years?" Nami squeaked as she contemplated running herself through now and ending the loop early.

"I wouldn't if I were you. If you kill yourself and end the loop early, you'll just end up in a worse loop later…" Luffy advised.

"What could be worse than spending minimum of a hundred years here?" the redhead sputtered.

"One word Nami: Eiken."

For some inexplicable reason, the navigator felt a shiver run down her spine.

* * *

**Loop 9**

Luffy stared into Rob Lucci's eyes and did something that he had seen but never tried before.

"You will turn around and jump into the sea…" the pirate captain said softly, waving his hands.

The leopard man's expression turned slack before he turned around and took a running leap out one of the giant holes dotting the tower.

"The force is…so…**cool!" **the rubber man giggled happily.

* * *

Anakin Skywalker felt a chill run down his spine.

"What's wrong master?" Ahsoka Tano asked.

"Snips, I just felt a major disturbance in the force. Something really bad just happened." The Jedi knight shivered.

* * *

**Loop 10**

Luffy dubbed this particular experimental loop the WTF Era.

Several interesting things happened for those years.

First off he ate mera mera no mi instead of Ace, snatching it from under his big brothers nose, much to Ace's ire.

Also, due to saving Belemere, the trio went traveling and joined the Straw Hats as gardener, navigator, and helmsman.

The Same thing with Kunia, because Luffy kept her from dying, Zoro was named the heir of the dojo after he surpassed his friend in strength and skill. Years later Kuina became his first mate while she went on a training trip to prove herself in her father's eyes.

Oddly enough, Red Haired Shanks took _Usopp_ along on his journey instead of his father and the man who used to be the sharpshooter for the red haired pirates joined the strawhats.

Although he was still trying to figure out how the hell he ended up with Gecko Moria, Bartholomew Kuma , Princess Vivi, Conis, Mayor Boodle, Colby, and Helmeppo, joining his crew…

* * *

**Loop 11**

Luffylet outa contented yawn as he logged into another loop. The last one hadn't been that bad. He had spent the better part of that particular loop as the Ruler of Skypeia. It brought back some nice memories after he beat Enel into the ground with the proclamation of 'We don't like dat shit!'

The best part had been taking all the hot girls, like Conis and Lucky, as his harem…

The one rule he followed when looping was no lolis! He left them to Ranma and Naruto thank you very much!

His body might have been sixteen, but that didn't mean he wanted to take the pups when he could get the full grown foxes instead!

Luffy stretched his arms out only to discover that he was being penned in on all sides by something.

"Oh god! Don't tell me I woke up in another Bondage loop!" the pirate captain grimaced as he flashed back to the one and only time he had been subjected to the horror of an S&M loop.

Robin turned out to be one of the scariest women he knew in or out of a loop when she had a whip in _any_ of her hands…

Luffy struggled mightily and kicked out, shattering the bottom of the prison holding him. He stuck his legs out of the holes and toddled along as fast as his apparently stumpy legs could move him.

Suddenly, the ground dropped out from under the pirate king.

"WHOA!" Luffy yelped as his prison rolled over and over, sending him hurtling into the air and back into the ground with a jarring impact, shattering what he realized was his egg.

"Mumble? Are you all right?" someone asked.

"Do I look all right to you? And who are you calling mumble?" the transformed pirate sputtered as he got to his feet.

"That one's got an attitude…" one of the white and black blobs at the top of the hill uttered as Luffy's vision came into focus.

"PENGUINS!" Luffy screamed as he ran off into the other direction as fast as he was able.

Somehow even after logging so many loops, he wasn't able to get over being mauled by those stupid doom penguins the Achino Family sent after his crew….

* * *

**Loop 11a**

Dear journal, even after six months in this loop, I still can't get over the feeling of unease that comes from being surrounded by these devil birds. These things get weirder and weirder every day. They seem to put all their efforts to singing. It's enough to make a person go deaf. Not to mention that I have to deal with these withered old birds who keep giving me the evil eye. I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Luffy

**Several days later...**

"You are a disgrace to the great guin! You are incapable of singing and your insistence on this trivial activity called sailing has driven away the fish!" the hunchbacked, shriveled bird in front of him ranted.

"You got any…evidence to back that up…oh wrinkly one?" Luffy drawled.

"Why I never!" another equally old bird sputtered.

"Your right, you've never done a lot of things. Like get any! Maybe that would dislodge the stick that seems to be stuck so far up your butt…" the skinny half grown penguin snickered.

"That. Is. IT!" I have had enough of your inane idiocy! Your insistence on being different! And most of all you refusing to take off that ridiculous straw hat!" the elder snarled, snatching the multi millennium old piece of haberdashery off and tossing it into the water.

"NO!" Luffy screamed as the old black and white wind bag in front of him tossed the teen's precious hat into the water.

"That is it! Now you've crossed the line! Gomu Gomu no **bullet**!" Luffy screamed, punching the elder into L.E.O with a clenched rubber flipper.

Every last penguin who had been gathered around the confrontation gawked.

Then the torches and pitchforks came out…

"DEMON PENGUIN!"

"GET THE UNHOLY ONE!"

"KILL HIM!"

"Erm…gotta go!" Luffy squeaked as he dove into the water

* * *

**Loop 12**

_"Ow! Mental note! Never…**ever** eat a second untreated devil fruit while tapping into a dragon line again…" _ Luffy thought blearily as he wondered what kind of FUBAR loop he got stuck in for that last cock up…

WHOOSH!

Luffy bit back a yelp when something insubstantial and very, very cold passed through his chest.

"What the hell?" the multi time pirate king sputtered, jumping to his feet.

_"All right boy, how's about you explain how I'm here, twenty years after being executed?" _theinsubstantial, ghostly form of the former pirate king spat, glaring at Luffy.

"Ok. This isn't a FUBAR loop….but it's damn close!" the straw hat pirate uttered weakly as he remembered making fun of the other anchors for their tenants.

* * *

**Loop 13**

One thing he learned from Sakura was that on occasion, being a mad scientist could be fun. And stealing Vegapnuk's notes on how to make your own custom devil fruit when the genius got plastered was surprisingly easy.

One such use of that knowledge; switching out the ushi ushi no mi: model giraffe and the awa awa no mi for something a little more _amusing_…

* * *

"Urg….that was weird…" Kaku groaned, clutching his stomach after eating his mystery devil fruit.

"I agree…" Kalifa moaned.

POOF!

Suddenly the two were enveloped in a cloud of smoke…

"What the hell?-!" someone yelped.

"Oh Kami! Spandam you moron! I'm gonna murder you!" another roared.

The cloud cleared, revealing a now female Kaku and a now male Kalifa.

Making your own custom devil fruit?

Ten million berries a piece.

Snagging the hito hito no mi to use as a template before chopper got a chance to eat it?

Two thousand berries worth of medical expenses after getting gored.

Watching the Cp9 run around like chicken with their heads cut off after two of their members eat the Hito Hito no mI: Model woman and model man?

Priceless!

* * *

**Loop 14: **

"Ranma, I swear that your Father was a bigger moron than me before I started looping! If I ever end up in Nerimia again, I'm gonna indiscriminately grapple that baka Panda until he screams!" Luffy spat as he poured a bucket of hot water over his head, reversing his brand new jusenkyo curse.

* * *

"Achoo!" Genma panda sneezed as he wondered why he felt a chill run down his spine.

* * *

"It could be worse. At least your human when you change…" the pigtailed time looper shrugged as he sipped his beer.

SPLOOSH!

A water pipe burst above their heads, dousing the duo cold water.

"True. But I wanted to be **King** of the pirates! Not the **Queen**!" the Luffy chan snarled.

* * *

**Loop 15 **

**"Meat! Meat! Meat! I want brazed meat right off the bone!"** Luffy chanted.

"How the hells did I manage to get this far?" Looping Luffy snorted as he watched his younger self badger Sanji into cooking for him.

"Damn analogue loop…" The pirate captain rolled his eyes as he fought the urge to punt himself over the side and wait for the bubbled to stop.

"Oi! Teach me how to be king of the pirates!" Younger Luffy grinned.

"I suppose I can teach you a trick or two…" the multi time pirate king stroked his chin…

"Here's a little training game I call: escape….here's how you play…" the looping pirate king smirked.

* * *

"It's been three hours! You can let me down now!" the non looping Luffy pleaded after being tied to the mast with his own limbs.

* * *

_"It's always fun to corrupt yourself…"_ Nami thought as she showed her younger non looping counterpart a specific spell that she had mastered over the course of her time looping…

"And this spell is called pilfer. It allows you to steal from people without even touching them!" Nami's older self smiled benignly.

* * *

**Loop 16**

"Damn it Nami! Have you been taking lessons from Sakura?" Luffy sputtered as he belted Zombie Zoro across the chops.

"_Brains…_" the hoard chanted.

"I swear this wasn't me! I had nothing to do with this!" the redhead pleaded as she blew the head off Zombie Chopper.

"Yeah Right! Sakura told me about that loop you two did together when you created borg queen Hinata! Naruto is still out for your blood after you two pulled that stunt!" the Straw Hat Pirate snarled.

_"Brains…" _the hoard groaned.

"Ok, so I dabble a little!" Nami wheedled.

"If we get out of this alive I'm gonna…" the pirate trailed off.

_"Join us Luffy…" _the zombie version of Boa Hancock_, _Alvida, Robin, Vivi, Lucky,Cami, and Analog Nami moaned as they marched toward the duo.

"Ah well, if you can't beat em…" Luffy shrugged, leaping into his Zombie harem's arms…

* * *

**Loop 17**

"Nope! I'm not saying it!" Luffy chan growled.

"But you have to!" the talking cat in front of him ordered.

"NO! NO! AND NO AGAIN!" the pirate king snarled.

"You, Luffyko Tsukino, are the reincarnated guardian of the moon, and the only who can save the world!" Luna said stubbornly.

"Nope! Never gonna do it! I am not going to hold up that damn pen and shout MOON POWER MAKE UP!"

One transformation sequence later….

"Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! If I find out Saotome or any of the other anchors are behind this I'll gear fifty them into the next Galaxy!" Luffy raged as he tried to keep his ridiculously short skirt form riding up.

* * *

"I love it when a plan comes together!" Ranma smirked, watching the fireworks from future's past.

* * *

**Loop 18**

"Ah vacation loops…gotta love em!" the pirate captain grinned as he lounged on a deserted island.

"Sun, solitude, and a surprisingly large amount of Rum! What could possibly ruin this?" the dark haired young man slurred sleepily as he prepared for a nice long nap.

"Oi! Out of the way!" someone grunted, heaving the rubber boy out of his chair face first into the sand.

"SPURT! GAH! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" the pirate captain snarled, spitting sand.

"I'm captain Jack Sparrow!" the man in front of him grinned as Will Turner rolled his eyes.

"Oh bugger…" Luffy groaned.

* * *

**Loop 18a**

"I'd just like to point out that the next time I see Will, I'm gonna kick his ass for this!" Luffy spat as he waded through the gang of pirates that were trying to kill them. Only moments before, Will Turner had rescued his lady love and somehow, against all odds, managed to knock the two of them out.

"Less talking and more fighting!" Jack barked.

* * *

**Loop 18b**

Luffy watched in shock as the waterwheel containing the brawling Will Turner, James Norrinton, and Jack Sparrow rolled by.

"Maybe Jack had the right idea being drunk all the time. I think I'll need a few pints to forget this loop!" Luffy grimaced.

* * *

**Loop 18c**

"And I did it without a single drop of rum!" Sparrow proclaimed grandly.

"WHHHHHAAAAA!-!-!-!"

CRASH!

The multi time pirate king plowed head first into the deck after being catapulted from the Dauntless by Sparrow…

"I hate you Jack…" Luffy mumbled.

* * *

**Loop 18d **

"I call for a vote!" Jack piped up as his father started playing his guitar.

"Ammand the Corsair!"

"Sri Sumbhajee votes for Sri Sumbhajee," the Pirate Lord's attendant said.

"Capitan Cheval: the penniless Frenchman!"

"Mistress Ching!"

"Monkey D. Luffy…" the rubber pirate lord said resignedly.

"Elizabeth Swann…"

"Hector Barbossa."

"Villanueva!"

Everyone turned to Jack.

"Monkey D. Luffy!" the pirate lord smiled.

"What?" Barbossa sputtered.

Chaos erupted in the Pirate court as the other lords protested.

"NOOOO!" Mistress Ching wailed.

"You will vote for me!" Villanueva barked.

"What the hell? I worked my ass off to become pirate king and you just **hand** me the title?-!" Luffy goggled.

"Am I to understand that you lot will **not** be keeping to the code?" the dreadlock wearing pirate said innocently.

TWANG!

One of Captain Teague's guitar strings snapped as he shot the entire room a dark look.

_"That was even scarier than the time I gave Magellan a wedgie!" _ the straw hat wearing pirate lord gulped as he took his seat.

* * *

**Loop 19**

"Myname is Monkey D. Luffy. I like pirates, Brazed meat, and my dream is to be Pirate king someday!" Luffy said as he logged into another Konoha Loop.

"Don't you mean hokage?" Kakashi asked.

"Hokage Schmokage! Pirate king's where it's at!" the straw hat shinobi smirked.

"Ok…How about you with the funky staff. And don't think that I didn't notice you taking my wallet!" the Jonin instructor frowned,

"My Name is Nami, I like money, Tangerines, money, and predicting the weather. Did I mention I like money?" the redhead chirped.

"Several times." Sasuke snorted.

"The one thing I dislike is when people doubt by precognitive abilities!" the redhead sniffed as she handed their sensei his coin purse.

"And my name is Sasuke Uchiha…And I'd like to request a transfer to another cell please…" the last 'loyal' Uchia gulped as he saw how the redhead was eyeing him.

"Did you know you're going to get hit with a bolt of lightning in about five seconds?" Nami asked innocently as she silently readied a Thundaga spell.

Thank Kami for those Final Fantasy Loops…

"Like I'd believe a lunatic like…"

**_ZAAAAAAKKKK! _**

One order of Uchiha: extra crispy!

* * *

**Loop 20**

_"I think...coming online…system restoration optimal…"_ someone said.

_"What about…other one… green armor…three swords?"_ Another chimed in.

"Ung…what hit me?" Luffy groaned. His entire body felt monstrously heavy.

That last loop had been an utter disaster. Somehow, Sakura had managed to knock him out and lock his curse.

The fact that it was an Eiken loop made it even worse.

"Welcome to the world, Megaman X" a smirking pink haired woman in a lab coat said.

Luffy looked down in Horror at his metallic body and did the only thing he could think of:

WHUMP!

He fainted.

* * *

**Loop 21**

Sengoku rubbed his temples as he tried to stifle a headache. The yelling dignitaries weren't helping. The story so far had been a weird one to say the least.

A boy from the backwater burg of Fuschia Village beat up his Grandfather, Vice Admiral Garp, and went sailing with his step brother, who shockingly turned out to be the son of the late pirate king and the estranged son of a noble.

Time after time they stopped and disrupted the peace, at the same time uncovering shocking secrets.

Their first stop had been at a Dojo in the East Blue. They had stopped a young girl from being attacked by a group of bandits. The duo then took her and another trainee swordsman along.

The next stop had been the small Hamlet of Cocoyashi village. Somehow, the four kids, plus two girls and a retired marine drove out an elite pirate crew of Fishmen.

The next stop had revealed that the infamous Kuro of the thousand plans was alive and well, and that he had killed the owners of the largest mansions in Syrup Village. They had beaten up one of the most infamous pirates in the world, hogtied him, and left him in front of the local Marine base.

This happened time and time again, saving a stranded dish washer from a local restaurant and a crippled pirate, recruiting a pair of Giants, the princess of a desert country of Arbasta , several members of the previously mythical country of Skypeia (oddly enough, most of them were women), a reindeer, a young girl that had been known as the most wanted woman in the world, a cyborg who had been apprenticed to the Famous Tom the Shipwright (they had picked up a bigger ship when they stopped at Water seven, making use of the bounty money from all the pirates they caught).

From that point, the trip had taken them to the desolate corner of the world known as the Florian Triangle. Later that Day, (former) Shichibukai Gecko Moria had been found floating on a piece of debris on high tide several miles away from his citadel on Thriller Bark. He had claimed that a group of children had come and freed one of the people he had stolen a shadow from; a skeleton swordsman. And now half the World government was in an Uproar because all of the Tenryubito had been beaten to within an inch of their collective lives.

* * *

"I love vacation loops!" Luffy grinned happily as all of the people he had invited partied on the Thousand Sunny 2.0

* * *

**Loop 22**

"Falcon…" Luffy growled as he wound up.

**WHAM!**

**"PUNCH!"** the future pirate king bellowed, punting Akainu into the air before he could kill Ace.

"Who's hotter now?" Luffy cackled as the magma man vanished into the ionosphere.

* * *

**Loop 23**

Luffy wondered what he had done to deserve this. This loop had been one of the most messed up he had ever experienced.

"Hentai!" Naru Narusegawa screamed as she punched him through the roof after accidentally walking in on her while she was in the bath.

POW!

_"I feel sorry for whoever normally lives in the loop…" _Luffy thought as he headed toward the ground at mach two.

* * *

**Loop 24**

"What did you call this thing again?" Luffy asked as he looked worriedly at the coffin like contraption.

"I call it the Animus! It reads genetic memory to allow a person to view their past lives!" Sakura smiled.

"Maybe this will finally break down those mental locks on those first couple of hundred loops that I blocked out…" the pirate king cocked his head as he laid down.

**Several minutes later…**

Luffy's expression screwed up into one of horrified shock and terror as he bolted from the room and emptied his lunch into the toilet.

_"I wonder if the animus has a reverse setting! I never want to remember those first loops on Kamabakka Queendom again!" _the pirate king shuddered.

* * *

**Loop 25**

**"Falcon…."** Luffy growled as he cocked his foot back

POW!

"KICK!" the multi time pirate king belted out, booting Saint Charloss through the ceiling.

**Remember folks: read, review, and check out the challenges on my profile page **


	22. Chapter 22: Marshal D Teach

**"Well, here we have it, this is my latest brainchild after I had a conversation with my friends SwordMasterZ, who got me hooked on this particular storyline. Who knows, if there's enough interest and inspiration, I might consider turning it into a full story."**

Chapter 22: Marshal D. Teach

It had been several years since Blackbeard had been dethroned from his title of Pirate King by Monkey D. Luffy. The one time king had been locked in the lowest level, of the darkest corner of Impel Down, in a special Kairōseki lined cell.

Soon Teach would learn that there were things even more fearful than anything he ever imagined.

And they were coming for him.

They were coming for them all…

* * *

Impel Down had undergone somewhat of a makeover since Monkey D. Luffy and the hundreds of escapees turned the prison upside down. The massive amount of damage inflicted to the upper five levels meant that it was nearly impossible to repair. It had been estimated that it would have been cheaper to rip the old prison down and build a new one, than repair the massive amount of damages.

So the few remaining prisoners on levels one through five had been transferred to the other penitentiaries scattered throughout the sea. Now only Level six remained to house the worse of the worst.

"I'm bored…" one of the guards, Biggs, whined.

"What do you want me to do about it?" the man beside him, Wedge, uttered dryly.

"Entertain me?"

"Hell no!"

"Come on, please? The signal blackout's cut off our one source of entertainment!"

"I. Don't. Care. Go chat with one of the prisoners if you're so desperate."

*Bzzzt!* the den den mushi sputtered.

"Did you hear that?" Biggs blinked, picking up the transponder snail.

*Bzzt!* _'elp! *Crackle*_ _Attack! Send reinforce…OH KAMI!"_

BEEP!

BEEP!

BEEP!

The two looked at each other, each feeling a shiver of fear run down their spines.

"We'd better lock this level down until we hear otherwise…" Biggs gulped.

Wedge nodded as he pulled a switch, sliding dozens of sea stone plates across the elevator shaft, and flooding the area between with a mix natural gas and Magellan's most potent poisons.

BOOM!

BANG!

POW!

CRASH!

CLUNK!

THOOM!

The two jerked back in surprise, as something crashed into the highest portions of the elevator shaft, setting off explosion after explosion that shook the prison to its foundation.

"What the hell was that…" Wedge squeaked as he gazed into the shattered shaft, for a moment he thought he saw movement.

"Shinka: Shiranui!" A voice hissed from within.

"GAH!"

"ARGH!"

Two shafts of light flew out of the shadowed shaft, running the duo through and instantly incinerated them.

* * *

Teach hummed softly to himself. His crew might have been scattered, but they were still loyal. He was certain that they were planning to break him out. Any day now these walls would come crashing down and these shackles would come undone.

It was just a matter of time.

HISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Teach blinked owlishly as a glowing spot appeared on the door, which grew until the heat melted the portal into a pile of slag.

The shaft of light that hit him in the face blinded the devil fruit user.

"Zehahahahaha! I knew you'd get me out sooner or later boys!" Teach squinted as he tried to determine the identity of his savior.

"I'm afraid not you fat fucker…" a familiar voice sneered.

"Eh? Who're you…wait…IMPOSSIBLE! You're dead! I saw it with my own two eyes!" Teach screeched.

Into the cell stepped none other than Portagas D. Ace. But he was different. His skin was gray and desiccated. You could actually see the muscles and bones in places where the flesh had fully rotted away.

"Yeah, I'm dead alright, but even the reaper won't stop me from ripping you a new one…" Ace leered, his white eyes boring into the shackled pirate.

That was when Teach saw it: the symbol tattooed into his chest: a white circle with a triangle inside, and emanating from the flat part of the shape facing up, were six vertical white lines. The sight of that symbol filled Teach with a feeling of dread.

"But I'm not the one who's gonna have a word with you. Someone else is getting that privilege." The undead pirate spat.

A second figure, much taller than the first stepped into the cell, the sound of his boots resounding like a death march in Teach's fear crazed mind.

"You have something of mine, **son…" **the towering figure leered.

Blackbeard shrank back, utterly terrified, as the imposing figure of Edward Newgate loomed over him, the same symbol tattooed onto him as Ace.

Blackbeard whimpered as he strained at his bonds.

THUNK!

The imprisoned pirate let out a strangled gurgle as Newgate plunged his hand into his prodigal son's chest

When his digits emerged, they were clutching a blood stained bundle of silver grapes: The gura gura no mi, and his treacherous subordinates still beating heart.

The undead captain shoved the entire bundle into his mouth and swallowed.

The last thing Teach saw was his former captain's back as he walked away.

As Whitebeard and Ace walked out of the decimated prison, thousands of black motes of light flew through the shattered doors.

* * *

Meanwhile, all across the seas, hundreds of what looked like shooting stars were shooting across the heavens in every direction

Far out to sea…

**"Gin of Earth 2895…RISE!"**

**"Don Krieg of Earth 2895…RISE"**

**

* * *

**

In Cocoyashi village…

One slammed into a grave overlooking the bluffs…

**"Bellemere of Earth 2985…RISE!"**

* * *

And a pair of graves the village of Syrup…

**"Banchina of earth 2895…RISE!"**

**"Yasopp of Earth 2895…RISE!"**

* * *

And a small mushroom shaped rock that rose high above the sea…

**"Zeff of Earth 2895…RISE"**

* * *

A light buried itself in the snow in front of the royal castle on Drum Island…

**"Hiluluk of Earth 2895…RISE!"**

* * *

Hundreds of lights descended on the drifting island of Thriller bark…

**"Yorki of earth 2895…RISE"**

**"Oz of Earth 2895…Rise"**

**Captain John of Earth 2895…RISE!"**

**"Victoria Cindry of Earth 2895…RISE!"**

**"Ryuuma of Earth 2895…RISE!"**

**"Jigoru of Earth 2895…RISE!**

* * *

A undersea Graveyard many miles from Fishman island…

**"Fisher Tiger of Earth 2895…RISE!"**

**"Tom of Earth 2895…RISE!"**

* * *

Even a small out of the way village saw a few of these lights land.

**"Kuina of Earth 2895…RISE!"**

* * *

The island of Ohara, the mass grave of an entire people…

**"Jaguar D. Saul of Earth 2895…RISE!"**

**"Nico Oliva of Earth 2895…RISE!"**

**"Clover of Earth 2895…RISE"**

* * *

Even into the reaches of Skypeiea…

**Calgara of Earth 2895…RISE!"**

* * *

And far below in a long forgotten grave several miles outside of Mocktown…

**"Montblacnc Norland of Earth 2895…RISE!"**

**

* * *

**

Deep into the new world, on the remote island of Raftel, a single ring fell…

**"Gol D Roger of Earth 2895…RISE!"**

**

* * *

**

Many light years away, a blue skinned being with a pockmarked head poured over a gigantic text larger than himself…

"A being of deepest shadows shall speak of the secrets of the dead. Fear will rise. Willpower will gather. And a wave of light will unleash the truth behind the power of the ring." Scar mumbled, grinning wolfishly.

"It begins…" the guardian leered.


	23. Chapter 23: Green Lantern, Pirate King

**Here's an expansion of the previous chapter. I have a story line more or less fleshed out. With any luck, I might be able to get an outline put together, and the first chapters ready by early summer.**

**This particular chapter was inspired by my good friend, SwordMasterZ**, **who introduced me to the whole idea of the Green lantern series and everything that goes with it.**

Chapter 23: Green Lantern, Pirate King snippets

Simply put, Luffy was furious.

He watched as the mountain bandit swept his cutlass along the bar, upsetting glasses of drink and plated of food, dumping them onto his hero/mentor's head.

As he turned away from the spectacle, Luffy idly popped open the lit to the small treasure chest, examining the contents inside.

Now, if this were the normal One piece verse, the future pirate king would have found the gomu gomu no mi, ate it, and gained the ability to stretch like rubber that would see him though many trials.

But, seeing how this isn't, something quite different happened.

"Oi! Don't touch that! Ben Beckman frowned, slamming the chest shut and shooing the boy away.

* * *

Hours later, Luffy squatted on a grassy hillock several miles away from the village.

_"What the hell did I ever see in that coward?"_ the young boy thought despondently, looking into the post dusk sky.

_"There are so_ _many of those glowy things…what did Sabo call them, stars?"_

"Someday, I'm gonna be a pirate so great that even the stars are gonna know my name! Even if dumb ol' Shanks says I can't!" the future pirate king grinned.

That was when a green glow suddenly became visible on the horizon.

"What's that?" Luffy blinked, stumbling down the grassy turf to the surf below.

It was a man, or at least something that looked like a man. His skin was a deep crimson, and his face was oddly flat and hairless, like someone has put his head in a vice until all discernable features were squashed. He was clothed in a tattered green body suit, with a torn green and white symbol on the front

"Oi, jiji, are you OK?" the young boy asked.

"Urg…" The man gurgled.

That was when the young boy noticed the blood leaking from the numerous cuts and wounds.

"Hold on! I'll get help! The village doctor will help!" Luffy panicked.

"No. My time has come. I won't last much longer…" the strange man, grunted, levering himself up, grabbing the retreating boy by the wrist.

"…" the future pirate looked into the stranger's eyes and saw that he was resigned to his fate.

"Is there anything I can do aka-ossan?" the dark haired boy gulped.

"You're younger than I would have liked. Take my ring. Use it to defend those who can't help themselves." Abin sur instructed his would be protégé.

That was when the young boy noticed it: on the strange red man's hand was a small green ring embossed with the same symbol on his chest.

That was when the two parts of Luffy mind clashed. One that wanted to surpass his mentor Shanks and become the scurviest, most dastardly pirate on the sea.

The other wanted to follow this strange man's last request: to defend those who couldn't help themselves.

So a compromise was called for.

"I'll do it! I'll help others and help myself at the same time!" Luffy grinned.

* * *

Zoro twitched as he watched the weirdo in green (he would run himself though with his own swords before calling him captain) thrust his hand into the air.

"In brightest day, in blackest night, no opponents shall escape my sight, let those who doubt my might, beware my power green lantern's light!" Luffy bellowed as he began to shine like a miniature sun.

Captain Morgan's jaw clenched as he glared daggers at the interlope who dared challenge his authority.

"Fire! Fire at will! I want his head!" Ax-hand howled, all but frothing at the mouth.

POW!

BANG!

KAPOW!

Zoro watched in amazement as the ring discharge a block of green energy which formed into a rough but unmistakable wall, which stopped the bullets cold.

"I may be a pirate, but I'm also the designated green lantern of sector 2895, I'm gonna kick your ass!" Luffy smirked as he floated in mid air.

* * *

"I'm your opponent, damn it!" Luffy snarled as he smacked Buggy in the face with an emerald boxing glove, sending the barra barra man tumbling ass over teakettle.

"I won't bother the guardians with a small fry punk like you." The captain grinned wolfishly.

"Who are you calling a small fry with a big nose, punk?-! Bara Bara gatai! (chop chop reassemble)"" the clown shrieked, leaping to his feet.

That was when he noticed that his form had…diminished somewhat.

"What in the flashy name of Davey Jones happened?" the pirate clown yelped. The only parts of him that heeded the call were his head, and half his arms and legs.

"Looking for these?" Nami cooed mockingly, planting her booted foot on a pile of trussed up limbs.

"Can't we talk this over?" the other captain whimpered as the green glowing teen advanced on him.

Seconds later…

Buggy let out a yowl of terror as his now miniature body was hurled into the ionosphere via emerald slingshot.

"And don't come back!" the future pirate king cackled.

* * *

Luffy crouched panting in front of the armored jackass, otherwise known as Don Kreig. The guy was proving to be a hassle to clobber for one reason and one reason only: Yellow armor.

Sure, his sempai and drill sergeant Killowog had warned him about the yellow impurity, but to find someone who had coated himself in the color really drove the point home.

And it was about to get a hella lot worse.

"Throw away that mask Gin. You are no longer one of my subordinates." The warlord spat as he smacked Luffy's across the face with his shield, sending the green lanten skipping across the water right back where he started.

"That fucking coward, I'll tear him apart as soon as I peel that armor off!" the green lantern spat.

"Straw hat! Don't insult the Don. He's the world's strongest man, and I deserve what 's coming to me…" the division commander grimaced, tossing his mask into the deep.

"Die! Face my lethal mustard gas bomb: MH5!" the warlord bellowed as his shield belched out its deadly payload.

"Mustard gas? Oh shit!" The green lantern yelped as he leaped into the water.

* * *

The battered and broken body of her only friend in Arlong's crew tumbled from Nami's slender shoulders as she fell to her knees, her 'captain's mocking laughter ringing in her ears.

"Arlong…she hissed angrily.

She snatched up her long dagger and stabbed it into the meat of her shoulder, carving away the crew tattoo of the fishman pirates.

"ARLONG!" she shrieked.

THUNK!

She stabbed herself again…

"ARLONG!"

THUNK!

And again…

"ARLONG!"

THUNK!

And again until her arm hung limp and blood flowed.

Suddenly, a lone hand gripped her wrist. The first thing she noticed was the familiar green ring.

"You…didn't I tell you to go away?" the ginger haired girl spat.

"Yep." He former captain shrugged.

"Then leave! Go away and don't bother me again!" Nami snarled, hurling dust at his feet.

The duo stood there for a good thirty seconds as heartbroken sobs shook her slim frame.

"Luffy…" She whispered, almost too softly to hear.

When she looked up, tears were streaming down her face.

"Help me…" the navigator whimpered.

Nodding, Luffy crouched down and placed his hat on her head and something in her hand.

"Keep these safe for me." Luffy said before he stalked off, followed by the other three members of his crew.

When she opened her hand, Nami let out a gasp of surprise.

It was his ring.

* * *

**CRASH!**

The citizens of Cocoyashi village squinted against the noontime glare as a single hand ripped though the remains of Along Park.

Luffy pushed himself up, despite being chewed on, thrown ass over teakettle, and nearly bitten in two… he still stood up. He levered himself to his feet and gazed down at the shell shocked crowd.

"NAMI!" the captain bellowed, almost falling to his knees from exhaustion.

Everyone stood in stupefied, rapt attention.

**"You…are my nakama!-!-!-!" **the green lantern bellowed.

* * *

"Oi, oi! The one steering this rig should have his eyes opened." Sanji deadpanned; eyeing Usopp's shivering form.

"Let him do what he wants…" Luffy shrugged, picking his nose with a green finger.

"They give the kid an all powerful weapon that can make dreams reality, and what does he do? He picks his nose with it." The sniper uttered, cracking open his eye long enough to glower balefully at his captain.

"I just thought of something. What if this is like a contest; like hit or miss?" their captain giggled happily.

"What do you mean? What would happen if we picked the wrong one?" the cook blinked.

"I dunno, maybe we would fall off the island?" Luffy shrugged.

"WHAT! We're ten thousand meters above the ocean you dip! Why didn't you think of this sooner?" Usopp shrieked.

"Stop it. What are the chances of…oh…my… shitty…lord." Sanji trailed off as the path abruptly ended and the stream dropped into the distance.

"AIEEEEEEEEE!-!-! NOOOOOOOOOO!" the sniper wailed, clinging to the chef for dear life.

"NAMI CHWAN! ROBIN SWAN! CONIS CHAN! HELP MEEEEE!" the cook squealed in the most manly way possible.

SPLASH!

Several hundred feet later, the boat splashed back down into the cloudy river.

"So scary…so very scary! I actually thought we were going to fall all the way back down to the ocean." Usopp whimpered.

"What are you guys worried about?" Luffy blinked as he floated lazily toward them.

"NOT ALL OF US CAN FLY LIKE YOU, YA GREEN PIECE OF SHIT! ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE US A COLLECTIVE HEART ATTACK?-!" the cook roared, booting his captain into the water.

* * *

"Do you have any idea how much this is killing me? The buster call is aimed at my nakama, my family who I've come to hold dear. The more I wish to be with you, the more you'll get hurt! No matter what corner of the sea I go to, the world government will nip at my heels!" Robin scowled.

"First the incident with Aokiji, and now this! Soon, even kind hearted people like you will spit on me and call me a burden! That's what I'm afraid of! That is why I didn't want you to save me! I want you all to remember me as your Nakama, not as a albatross around your necks!" Robin wailed.

"Wa-ha-ha-ha! How true it is! Hey pirates! Look at the flag up there!" Spandam pointed to the emblem of the world government flapping above their heads.

"That flag represents the one hundred and seventy allied nations that are scattered through the north, south, east, and west blue as well as the Grand Line! Do any of you have even the slightest idea how utterly insignificant you all are compared to that?" the CP9's leader sneered.

"Sogeking…" Luffy whispered.

"Hm?"

"Burn that Flag to ashes." The captain ordered, highlighting it with a green bullseye.

"Hai."

"Now it is time to unveil my new weapon, the giant pachinko sling shot named Kabuto! Hissatsu…Hi no Tori Boshi! (certain kill…Firebird star!") Sogeking roared.

Sogeking's projectile cracked open and ignited, twisting into the form of a giant phoenix. You could almost hear it's majestic cry it smashed past the target and engulfed the flag in a blazing inferno.

BA-BOOOOOOOMMMM!

The shockwave that resulted from the attack utterly vaporized the world government flag, wiping it from existence. Not even ashes were left.

* * *

The battle in the courtyard below paused as everyone stood stock still, they watched in fascinated horror as the sheer power of Sogeking's weapon obliterated the government symbol.

"Do they have any idea what they've done?" an officer gasped.

"Those morons just declared war on the world government!" another whispered.

* * *

"Are you Bastards insane? Do you actually think you can survive having the world as your enemy?" Spandam yelled.

"Hey guys…How about we tell him our answer. Let's give that ring eyed moron a big old salute!" Luffy smirked.

Everyone's answer was a chorus of smaller digits that accompanied a giant green middle finger half the size of the building.

"Robin! I wanna hear it from you! If you want us to protect you, to be your nakama, say it! Say you wanna live!" The captain roared.

* * *

_"To live?"_ Robin thought.

* * *

_"Get out of my house you little demon!" And old woman screamed as she chased the young girl away with the report of her rifle._

* * *

I thought living was the one thing I couldn't wish for?" the last Ohara native hissed.

* * *

_"You're very existence is a sin!" one of her former human shield sneered._

* * *

"Nobody…Nobody has ever allowed me that before." The prodigal woman whispered.

* * *

_The last thing she heard was 'Sogeking' whispering._

_"Robin-chan…believe in Luffy. We'll find you…I promise…" _

* * *

"If I can declare my wish…then" Robin said…drawing in a deep breath.

"I WANT TO LIVE!" Robin screamed, tears pouring down her face for the first time since Ohara burned.

Luffy smirked, as far as he was concerned, that was the signal to attack.

**"Here we go!" ** the green lantern bellowed as he leaped into the abyss.

* * *

"There's no end to these things!" Zoro spat as he and Mihawk battled against the hoard of Black lanterns swarming over Kuraigana Island.

"Indeed. At the rate these…beings…are popping up, we may have to abandon the island..." the world's greatest swordsman grimaced as one of the corpses he decapitated seconds earlier pulled itself back together and leaped into battle.

"Horo! Horo! Horo! You pitiful swordsmen have no idea how to deal with a foe like this. Let me take a crack at it!" Perona giggled happily, her soul separating from her body.

"Wait!" Mihawk yelled.

But it was too late.

The moment Perona's astral form detached. A black ring swooped in and latched onto her finger.

**"PERONA OF EARTH 2895….RISE!"** an unseen voice bellowed.

The ghostly form of the gothic girl let out a howl of pain as her body began to rot from the inside out.

"Make it stop…Make it **stop!"** the ghost shrieked, clutching her head.

"FREEEEEEDOOOOMMM! NEGATIVE HOLLOW!" Black lantern Perona howled joyfully.

The green haired swordsman flopped bonelessly to the ground as he was assaulted by an unstoppable wave of depression.

"I...want to die..." Zoo gurgled as his swords slipped from his nerveless grasp.

"It can't get any worse…" Mihawk grimaced weakly.

That was when the hoard froze.

The straw hat pirate felt his hackles rise when the group in front of him began to step aside as a figure stalked though the undead crowds.

"Long time no see Zoro. Are you enjoying my sword, after you plucked it form my corpse?" Kuina leered, picking up Wadō Ichimonji and licking the flat edge of her blade.

"It just got worse." Mihawk frowned.

**4/13/11 OK, I did a bit of editing to fix a few of the spelling errors, grammar mistakes, as** **well** **one** **rather embarrassing blunder I made in the Enies Lobby section.**

**Remember folks, read, review, and check out the challenges on my profile page.**


	24. Chapter 24: It's not what you think!

**After the last couple of chapters, I decided to go back to basics and see what craziness I could come up with. So here's something that I had in mind for the past few weeks. Enjoy!**

Chapter 24: It's not what you think!

**Robin and Nami (otherwise known as Sanji's fantasy come true…sort of) **

Sanji was just about to push open the door to the women's quarters when a strangled whine reached his ears.

"Not so _rough_ ane san!" Nami whimpered.

"You were the one that requested this, navigator _chan_." He heard robin chuckle darkly.

"I know I did, but I also asked you to be gentle with me. It's my first time….OH!" The ginger haired girl let out a strangled gasp.

_"Steady Mr. Prince~!"_ Sanji thought frantically as he plugged his bloody nose with strips of a napkin.

"Oh my…that feels good! Where did you learn how to do this?" the fiery haired mellorine said.

"Fufufu! Let's just say that Ms. Doublefinger and Ms. Valentine's Day often sought me out between missions when they needed a little…relief." Robin replied with what seemed (to Sanji's hormone fogged mind) like a lecherous chuckle.

Sanji's let out a strangled squeak as his mind conjured all sorts of images, all of them akin to the type of things you'd find in the adult magazines he kept stashed in his bunk.

"I see…that's so, very, very nice of you." Nami moaned,

"Oh, indeed. The three of us spent quite a bit of time doing this. You'd be surprised how…useful…their devil fruits proved to be."

"Oh."

"Indeed. I learned many things from my years working with Valentine chan and Doublefinger hime. Such as this…"

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Not so hard! That's it! That's the spot! Don't stop! Don't **stop**!"

Sanji's eyes bulged as his blood pressure finally went through the roof and he was propelled backwards by the most powerful nosebleed he had ever experienced. He slammed into and though the opposite wall with a thunderous crash

_"Mellorine!"_ the cook gurgled as consciousness left him.

Seconds later, Nami poked her head out of her bunk, still fully clothed and sans her sandals. She spied the downed cook and rolled he eyes.

"Geez. How troublesome. Just when ane san was getting to the best part of the foot massage." The navigator grumbled under her breath, dragging the comatose chef to the infirmary by his ankle.

* * *

**Garp and Coby (Helmeppo needs brain bleach)**

Helmeppo was rotating his right shoulder, grimacing as the pins and needles feeling of circulation returning flowed into his bruised limb.

_"Damn it, why did Garp sama have to throw me so hard…" _ the chief petty officer muttered mutinously.

"It's so big! I don't know if I'll be able to make it fit!" the blonde heard his friend and superior officer gasp from behind a closed door.

"Don't you worry! It's just a matter of finding the proper angle to put it in your mouth. I find that crouching first helps." The vice admiral said.

"But it's so long and thick! I'd have to unhinge my jaw just to get it past my teeth, let alone down my throat!"

"Sometimes a distraction helps. Try humming a little ditty to take your mind off things." The older man replied eagerly.

Helmeppo's eyes crossed as he fought the urge to keep listening. The conversation was like a ship wreck, you wanted to look away but you couldn't.

The next several seconds were spent listening to Coby hum as he tried to force something to large into his mouth, all the while hearing Garp make the occasional comment like "That's good, shove it all in there!" and "Use your teeth to gently gently scrape the outer skin!"

Helmeppo was so lost in his horrific fantasy that he didn't realize that Coby had walked out of the galley and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Oi! Helm-kun! You there? Garp Sama was just teaching me something really amazing! You want to join in?" the pink haired youth asked innocently.

Helmeppo looked at his friend's mouth and saw a white substance clinging to the corner of his lips. The shattered young man let out a yowl of terror and ran for the hills.

Blinking owlishly, Coby wiped the ranch dressing he slathered onto his extra spicy, extra large South Blue Sausage Sandwich off his lips with a napkin.

"I wonder what his problem was? Oi! Garp Sama! Don't you dare eat the rest of my sausage! I just started on that!" the master chief petty officer protested as he disappeared using soru.

* * *

**Kizaru and Aokiji (otherwise known as the not so dynamic duo)**

"What do you two think you're doing?" Akainu asked dryly, looking at the incriminating scene before him.

His fellow admiral Aokiji was half under his desk, his legs and rear sticking out a jutting into the air.

Kizaru on the other hand, was plastered against him, his cheek resting on the cool surface of the desk and his hand stuck (or frozen, the magma user couldn't be sure from that angle) to the ice user's rear.

"This isn't what it look like!" the light man protested as he tied to extricate himself from the situation…

"Ya got that right…" the ice man muttered mutinously.

"How about you two start from the beginning…" red dog groaned.

**Several minutes earlier…**

"Zzzzzzzzz" the dark skinned admiral snored, his signature sleep mask pulled down over his eyes.

He was in the middle of a very pleasant dream about his own personal harem, when a loud bang jolted him out of his mid day nap.

"WAH!" the blue pheasant yelped, lashing out with his leg, knocking an open tub of glue under his desk.

He glowered at the annoying admiral one desk over who was throwing paper airplanes and blasting them with his devil fruit powers.

* * *

"Oi! Who are you calling annoying?" the other half of the human pretzel sputtered.

"You. This is all your fault, after all." Aokiji replied glibly.

* * *

Sighing tiredly, the ice admiral grabbed a rag from his desk (little known fact: Aokiji is a pack rat, and won't throw anything away if he deems it somewhat useful) and crawled under his the piece of furniture.

SPLAT!

The admiral's eyes widened in horror as he realized that he had just plopped his hand down into the sticky substance.

"Need some help?" the one voice he didn't want to hear, Kizaru's, asked.

"No. I can handle this myself." The ice man said as he tied to wiggle out.

SPLAT!

Only to get his other hand stuck as well.

It was at that moment that the bottle rolled into his line of sight. On the label were five words: extra quick drying rubber cement.

"Isn't that lovely…" the ice admiral drawled looking to the heavens.

In a fit of childish temper, the trapped man caused an ice spur to grow from his arm and knock the bottle away.

"No need to get huffy I'll pull you out of…WHOA!" Kizaru yelped, as the self same glue bottle tripped him, sending the other admiral tumbling.

SPLAT!

The pika pika no mi user slammed face first into the desk, planting his right cheek (the one on his face, pervs!) into a big puddle of rubber cement.

The light man flailed wildly, scrabbling to free himself.

SPLAT!

He swept his hand though the still drying glue patch, before latching onto the first thing he could grab to push himself free: which was his fellow admiral's ass.

* * *

"And as you can see red dog, that is how this is the idiot's fault." The bearded man replied.

Frowning, Aokiji's butt suddenly frosted over, freezer burning his fellow admiral's hand.

"GAH! COLD! COLD! COLD!" The other half of the human modern art…er, ultimate military power, yelped.

"All things considered, I'd better free you before someone else finds out about his. Now sit still, I wouldn't want to… burn something off by accident." Akainu muttered as he advanced on his fellow admirals, his hands engulfed by magma.

* * *

**Robin and Luffy (otherwise known as the date that wasn't…or was it?)**

Nami (who was not only wearing a male school uniform, but several hundred beli poorer) twitched angrily as she berated her twin assistants (who were wearing identical sailor fuku).

_"How did I get into this mess? " _The straw hat pirate thought…

* * *

It was shortly after the events of Enies Lobby, The Straw hats were milling around the city, each absorbed in their own little world, high off the knowledge that their latest victory was the sweetest yet.

Nami was sitting in an outdoor café pouring over the knowledge she managed to glean from the den-den mushi .

_"Hmmm, what to do with this information? Coby is pretty much an open book, but this doesn't do me much good now. While it's good to known how to cross the calm belt without having to belt a bunch of seakings, we don't have the money to make any improvements to our future ship. Iceburg was nice enough to let us have some high class furnishings, and other amenities to live off of, but as of now, we don't have two belis to rub together. Oh well, a pirates life is a poor one I suppose…"_ the ginger haired girl sighed mentally, lamenting her lot in life.

That was when she looked up and spied an odd sight. Across the canal was one of the higher class love motels, known for their silence toward their client's identities.

And who walked out other than Robin and captain Monkey D. Luffy.

Luffy shot her a wide grin as she brushed her fingers along his arm. His eyes alight with mischief, he whispered into her ear, eliciting a feminine giggle.

_"Robin never giggled! She chortles, she laughs, she scares that living daylight out of people, but she never giggles!"_ the navigator sputtered with slack jawed shock.

The coup de grace was when the crew's archeologist planted a soft kiss on his cheek right before they walked away arm in arm.

Nami wordlessly hopped onto the nearby Yagara and sped off: fully intent on unraveling this unnatural situation.

That was when she stopped in her tacks.

"If I'm going to get to the bottom of this (and get something out of it), I'll need some expert help." The navigator uttered, turning her yagara around and speeding toward the beach.

* * *

"What?-! Monkey kun and Robin- san are doing it?-! Waina!" Mozu of the square sisters yelped.

"Doing it like rabbits in heat?-! Waina!" Kiwi goggled.

"Yes! Now I need you two to come with me, I don't know this area very well and I need some guides!" the ginger haired girl hissed.

"You can count on us!" the twins chorused, throwing a smart salute.

* * *

And that was how Nami found herself crouched behind a half demolished wall , observing the two as they window shopped in a nearby clothing store.

"It's true! They're really on a date?" Kiwi squeaked.

"An actual date!" her sister yelped.

Their jaws dropped as Robin picked up a dark colored halter top and held it up against her slim fame. Luffy nodded eagerly.

"You all live on the same ship, right?" Mozu pressed.

"All under the same roof, right?" Kiwi continued.

"Yes…" Nami said uncertainly.

"Then it's a woman's romance to fall for the dashing captain!" the first cackled

"Fall like a ton of bricks!" the second continued!

"Would you two knock it off!-? And hand me that den-den mushi! It's time we got a second opinion with from our resident sneaky sniper …" the redhead uttered, snapping a quick photo and sending it out.

* * *

Usopp was brushing his teeth when the transponder snail let out an excited warble.

"'ello?" the dark skinned young man gurgled.

_"Usopp, I wanted to get your opinion an something. Kiwi, Mozu, and I came across an interesting scene involving Ane san and Luffy. We think the two of them are on a date!"_ the arthropod parroted as it's underside flashed and discharged a picture.

The brush dropped out of the sniper mouth when he saw that the image in question was of their captain sharing a parfait with the crew's archeologist.

**"NAAAANNNNIIII?-!-?" ** A demonic voice howled from the bathroom next door.

A 5'9 will o' wisp burst through the door, naked as the day he was born.

"Nami Chwan?-! Is this some kind of joke?" the cook yelped as he put the crew sniper (who was screwing his eyes shut for the sake of his own sanity) in a headlock as he bellowed into the receiver.

* * *

Nami dropped the snail to the floor as it burst into flames, still roaring in the same unnatural voice.

_"Crew relationships are prohibited (unless they involve me)! For Robin Swan's innocence please keep an eye on them!"_

_"Sanji! For the love of one piece, put some clothes on!" _ They heard Usopp yelp right before the connection cut off.

"You heard the man, let's go." Nami groaned, rolling her eyes.

"First, we're going to need some disguises!" Kiwi giggled as she pulled the Straw hat pirate into the same clothes shop occupied by the captain and navigator only moment before.

* * *

"Hm, what do you think?" Robin murmured, gesturing to a set of clothes in a nearby window.

"It should be more meat colored!" the captain drooled.

"Captain san, we discussed this… meat color would clash with her eyes." Robin explained patiently.

"Oh yeah! I guess that makes sen…Waugh!"

Suddenly, a pair of dark skinned girls with their hair in a square buns and their handsome bishonen boyfriend tackled the two out of the way.

"Buy that for us Namizou-kun! Waina!" the girl to the left squealed

"Yes, Waina! Buy us those kawaii clothes!" the sister to the right squeaked.

"I'm gonna kick their asses for that!" Luffy huffed as he scrambled to his feet, only to be still by robin's hand to his shoulder.

"No need. While they were buying that, I got something more appropriate." The dark haired woman said, holding up a bag.

"Kiwi no baka! Mozu no baka!" the 'bishonen boy' snarled as he chased the girls down the street with the shopping bags.

* * *

It was several hours later that the trio (two of whom were sporting new lumps the size of cantaloupes) watched as Robin and Luffy sat on the steps of the Water Seven theatre, watching the sunset.

Suddenly, Luffy's eyes drooped and he fell sideways, his head resting on Robin's knee.

"Ah! She's letting his sleep on her lap! I'm so jealous of her!" Mozu whined.

"Jealous? You do that with Franky all the time" Kiwi sputtered.

_"Rooooooo…." _Someone yelled on the wind.

"Yeah, but he's got thighs of iron (literally)! You have any idea how uncomfortable that is?" Mozu shot back.

_"Biiiiiiiinnnnn…"_

"Hush, both of you! Why did I have to get such troublesome assistants?" Nami sighed, as they listened in.

_"Cccchwwwwaaannnn!"_ the unseen person howled.

"Anybody else hear that?" Nami blinked as she listed to the oddly familiar wail.

"Hmmm. You may be child like at times, but there's no mistaking you drive. I owe you quite a bit. It's of little wonder why you're so exhausted…" the archeologist sighed, stroking the sleeping young man's hair as she bent toward his lips.

"Nooooooo! You shitty piece rubber! Why do you always get the girls?-!" Sanji sobbed as he rushed onto the scene.

"Sanji! Slow down! Not all of us are superhuman like you monster trio. I think I got a bad case of 'I'll-die- if-I-keep-running-disease'" the dark skinned young man gasped as he collapsed to the ground.

"Ah! Sanji, Usopp, Nami? What are you doing here?" The captain blinked as he wope up, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"I believe they discovered our intentions, captain kun." Robin smiled knowingly.

"Aw! And I was hoping to surprise her in a few weeks…" Luffy whined as he held out the bag Robin bought earlier.

"Since we missed your birthday because of the recent craziness, we got you this." The captain pouted.

Nami's eyes misted over as she pulled out a newly published book on Grand Line and New world navigation techniques.

"Aw, thanks!" the ginger haired girl blushed as she hugged them in turn.

"You mean… they weren't on a date? Sanji blinked.

"No. You flared up my 'I'll-die- if-I-keep-running-disease' for nothing!" the sniper glowered.

"Like you care! It's not as if you know the heartbreak of lose love! Or of losing your heart to a beautiful mellorine!" Sanji sobbed theatrically.

"And you do? Zoro told me you confessed that you're still a virgin, when you got hammered a few months back." The curly haired young man deadpanned.

"SHITTY LONG NOSE! HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH MY REPUTATION!" the cook howled as he knocked the sniper into the canal with a flurry of kicks.

No one noticed Robin and Luffy sneak away from the fracas.

* * *

Several hours later, Luffy looked up at the hotel room ceiling, Robin cuddled into his side.

"Do you think they bought it?" he asked.

"I believe we can assume so." She replied as they went back to what they were doing that morning.

**Remember; read, review, and check out the challenges on my profile page.**


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